Page 40 of From the Noblest Motives
"Of course you do," Blaze grumbled, and he nearly lost his scowl when both Damien and Shudder turned to glare at him.They're too adorable. Shut up, stupid brain.
The little uptick in Cyril's smile said he'd seen it, too. "The variaphobes labeled Shudder a terrorist several years ago, though a bit of vandalism and event disruption is hardly terrorism. Their bid to demonize him, blame him for their crime and hold him up as the monster they've long warned about. But it's backfired. The rushed trial was far too transparent, and they've created a martyr, as I mentioned to Damien."
"I saw the protests on the news this morning. Demands that the prison produce my body. People calling for the authors of the Horace Act to be removed." Shudder rubbed his arms as he shivered. "It's all a little surreal."
Cyril tipped his head in acknowledgement. "A dead martyr is a powerful symbol. A resurrected one, even more so."
"Father." Damien's voice was as blank as his eyes, that one word sudden and startling. "Say what you mean."
Even Cyril had to take a moment, blinking at Damien in surprise. "A press conference for Shudder to tell his side of the story."
"The minute he shows up at any studio, enforcement's gonna come for him." Of course Cyril knew that, but Blaze wanted him to hurry up and spit out the rest of it.
"True. But a neutral location with no identifiers would be different. I have contacts who could set it up." Cyril shut down his screens and turned fully to them. He put a hand on Shudder's arm, catching his gaze and holding it through what seemed force of will. "It could be useful both politically and personally. Give it some thought and let me know at dinner."
Shudder got up first, still rubbing at his arms. "Yes, sir. I'm not sure how I feel about all this, but… thank you."
He didn't actually flee—Blaze wasn't sure Shudder had the energy yet—but he walked out stiff-legged and swift. Blaze exchanged a concerned glance with Damien, and they followed Shudder back to his room.
"Upset?" Damien whispered as they climbed the stairs side by side.
"Freaked out, I think."
Though we worked really well together. My Damien, all stone-faced, cutting through the bullshit. My Shuds, wide-eyed and upper-crust polite. And… Fuck.
Neither one washis, never would be. That was bad enough. Even worse, his stupid brain wanted… everything. Not one or the other. Damien's electric awareness. His strong hands. Those beautiful eyes. Shudder's long, lean grace. The warmth of his humor. The way he…
No, no, no. You stupid, pitiful bastard. You just have them back and you can't keep your brains out of your pants? Idiot. Slush-brained idiot.
It was enough to be with them, to have them both safe andwithhim. It would have to be enough, since he'd promised Damien his friendship—which was damn important to Blaze—and he'd maybe not promised it outright, but he'd done the same with Shudder the last time they'd been together.
Friendswas something to treasure, something he couldn't screw up again. And god knew they all needed good, loyal friends. So his libido needed to just shut up and take a seat. Way in the back.
In his room, Shudder limp-paced, twisting his hat in his hands. He looked like he might start chewing the wool any moment, like he had done when he was an anxious, skinny kid. When he turned, his bright-blue eyes went wide.
"Oh. Hi!" Shudder sank down on the edge of the bed. "I'm doing okay. You don't have to babysit me anymore."
Blaze thumped down next to him and bumped shoulders with him. "It's not babysitting, dummy. We're worried about you."
"Sure. I was worried about me, too. Sorry about that. The whole getting arrested, going to monochrome hell, and foiling an assassination attempt by accident was not on my calendar, let me tell you." Shudder rubbed both hands over his face. "I just need some time to think. It's so good to have you both with me. It really is. But it's all been too much."
Damien shot Blaze another worried look and eased onto the bed on Shudder's other side.
Shudder heaved a long, shivering sigh. "And there you two go again. Doing that silent communication thing.Lookingat each other."
"Um…" Blaze leaned back in confusion. "What the fuck, Shuds?"
"Exchanging information with your soulful glances. The soulful glances alone. I can't stand it." Shudder threw his hands up, not once but twice. "Will you please just say you love each other and go off somewhere to fuck? Please?"
The words struck the center of Blaze's chest so hard they might as well have been a harpoon. He tried but no words formed, no answer, while Damien went still, his hands in his lap. He edged away a couple of inches, and for a second, Blaze thought he might leave.
He didn't. Small miracles.
"Shuds…" Blaze patted Shudder's shoulder. "Damien and me, we agreed to stay friends. But we ca—"
Shudder twitched free of Blaze's hand and let out a little scream without opening his mouth. "Dear gods, the idiocy! Tell Damien that you love him. Admit it. Out loud. To him. You're making me crazy."
"No." Damien said it softly, but the force behind it shut Shudder up. "No. Blaze loves you. After everything. He still loves you."
