Page 13 of From the Noblest Motives
Food anxieties. She had told him, gently, that he might always have them. He did, though they often manifested in strange ways, like putting off eating until he absolutely had to, then devouring as if it was his last meal. Not here, though. Those anxieties had no place here.
He stuck his head in the fridge and pulled out the selection of cheeses he knew would be there, then went back in looking for mustard.Oh, cake. That joined his growing hoard on the counter. He glanced up to find Blaze leaning in the doorway. "Are you hungry?"
He raised an eyebrow. "For cheese and chocolate cake with mustard?"
"Not…" Damien put the mustard jar down, forcing himself not to stare at Blaze with his arms crossed, biceps bulging. "Not all at once." He swallowed hard and managed to get out, "Sandwich?"
"Yeah, I could eat." Blaze sauntered over and took one of the counter stools. "But not a chocolate cake sandwich."
Damien snorted a laugh and retrieved a loaf of bread from the drawer. He soon had cheese sandwiches assembled for them both and had moved the cake out of Blaze's reach. After making fun of it, he'd have to ask nicely if he wanted a slice.
Damien had wolfed down half a sandwich when he glanced up to find Blaze watching him intently. "What?"
"You don't twitch here."
"Hmm." Damien put the sandwich down, considering. "I suppose I don't. This is… It's safe. The first place I ever felt safe."
"The only place you ever felt safe?"
"No." Damien cringed at the one-syllable answer, the answers that irritated Blaze, so he hurried on, "Maybe. At my cabin. The stress is gone. The people stress. I guess that's not the same as always feeling safe."
"Right. It's really not." Blaze's brows had drawn together, thunderclouds in his eyes. Odd how they slid more toward a sea gray than green when he was angry or unhappy. "Look at me. Do you feel safe with me?"
Damien reached halfway across the counter, setting his hand between them. "Yes."In your arms, sleeping next to you, with you at my back—I feel safe. And I should probably be saying all of that. Instead, he reached the rest of the way to run his fingertips over Blaze's knuckles.
"Well, thank fuck for that." Blaze turned his hand over to capture Damien's. "Now I just need to get you to believe that I feel safe with you."
"I'm a murderer."
"So am I. And before you say you killed people without knowing what you were doing, I've done that, too." Blaze gave Damien's hand a last squeeze and released him. "Finish your lunch. You've hardly eaten fuck all since yesterday."
"That's a grammatically dubious sentence." Damien ducked his head and went back to devouring. Two bites in, he tried to slow down, but once he'd started eating, he felt as if someone had hollowed him out with a spoon.
When Damien cut himself a second slice of cake, Blaze finally spoke again. "You gonna say so if I cross a line? Did I?"
Damien put his fork down and turned all his attention on Blaze. The question wasn't one he could answer quickly—not truthfully—and he didn't think Blaze wanted polite reassurance. He had to replay everything that Blaze had said and consider each thing. Food? No, that certainly didn't cross any boundaries. Murder? No, they'd talked about that before. Asking where Damien felt safe? No, from Blaze, that was fine.
I feel safe with you.
Ah. That statement. Blaze was asking if he'd been pushing. Maybe a few months ago… Damien took a deliberate bite of cake to give himself one more moment. Now that statement caused a warm ember to settle inside him. "No."
"Killing me, Twitch."
"No lines crossed."
Blaze considered him, head cocked to one side. "And you'll tell me if I do instead of running screaming?"
"I didn't…" Except he had, to a certain extent. "I was very quiet."
That laugh—deep-chested and right-out-of-the-oven warm—Damien had missed that, too. Blaze pointed to the cake. "Gonna eat that whole damn thing on your own?"
"Rude." Damien ducked his head to hide a smile.
"Fine." Blaze followed up with an exaggerated eye roll. "Mr. Hazelwood, could I please have a piece of fucking cake?"
Arms crossed over his chest, that perfect sardonic quirk of his eyebrow, the fact that this playful performance was all for Damien, stabbed a heated spike through Damien's chest.I wish… But wishing for a single crystalline moment to last forever was madness. Bugs trapped in amber. No. The world moved on, and that was how it should be. Human experience of time only happened in one direction, no matter what the vids said. Damien cut a slice of cake and slid it across the counter to Blaze.
Not two minutes later, the garage door hummed, followed by rattling of keys in the door into the kitchen. Dr. Parma gave them both a satisfied nod. "Good. I'm glad you found something for lunch. Give me a moment to put things away and I'll join you."
