Page 14 of Ryld's Shadows
Ryld nodded, as if he’d expected the news. He leaned forward, lifting a hand and letting it hover hesitantly over Kai’s arm, then drawing it back. “It’s not the shadows that frighten them.” There was a great deal of sadness in those words, no matter that they were simply spoken.
“What frightens them, then, little brother?” Kai asked as gently as he possibly could.
“I do. They made me too well. I try not to be a monster, but they all feel it. They stare. They move away. They don’t know why, but they do.”
Kai shook his head. “They fear what they can never understand. I have known monsters. Many of them. True monsters blend with their environments. Fool you into thinking that they speak fair and true words until it is far too late, and the blade is already sunk in your back. True monsters…well, they are not you.”
“The monsters made me. What else can I be? Kai Hiltas, you look like the monsters too, but you aren’t one. Even you find it difficult to look at me and hide your thoughts.”
“Itrymy best not to be a monster.” Kai snorted. “I’m not certain everyone in this building has always agreed I’m not. And I can’t tell you that you are ordinary. That would be a lie. And I can’t tell you that I’m not angry with the monsters who made you. That, too, would be a lie, since I know they made you for their own selfish gains. You arepowerful. So powerful. And all drow are raised to fear power, to some extent. Some things, one can’t leave behind.”
“I too thought I could leave the fear behind. It followed me here, though. The fear, the whispers, the names, the shadows…they all followed me here.Sulitek.They think I don’t know what that means.”
“Hmm. Yes. Those things followed us, too. A drow mage of any sort must be evil, you see. I heard much of that before I carved a place here.” Kai spread his hands. “But we are drow. We are adaptable. We absorb knowledge. We learn. Though you are right. In some ways, switching worlds has only changed the places where we encounter fear. As a drow queen’s seeker, I was at least physically insulated by warriors and battle mages. Here, I have faced armies of undead, a stone mage, a mad drow intent on building a mage’s tower. So many things I never thought to. Ones learns. One adapts. Are you aware of your shadows when they manifest? Do you see their shapes?”
“I am aware of the shadows always. They are always with me. I keep them down.” He made a motion with his hand, thumb toward the floor, like he was squashing a bug. “But sometimes they get too big, and they get away.”
No one has trained you, child. You’re right to think that frightens me, but it also makes me, oh, so very angry. “When they get away, do you know their shape, then? Or are they truly away?”
Those large blue eyes so unusual for a drow blinked at him. “All shapes. Any shape. Monsters. They want to be monsters, so they have claws and teeth to rend and destroy. That’s all they ever want to do.”
Kai nodded, though his thoughts spun and spun. “They were designed as weapons. The monsters, the true monsters, designed you as a weapon. So careful in construction. So careless with what happened after.” He shifted onto his knees, preparing to rise. “Counseling would like to give you a new minder. Someone they hope is braver and kinder than the aelfe. He would be a half-goblin, if he agrees. Would you do well with someone like that, do you think?”
“If you call them an orc, they might punch you.”
The smile slipped out of Kai’s control. The youngster was absurdly charming in his way. “That is absolutely correct. Also, it would be rude. But I think you would be polite.”
“I am polite. Except when I’m not. But that’s an accident. I know goblins. Some are kind. Some are cruel. Just like drow.”
“A fair point.” Kai tipped his head in acknowledgment. “Would you like to meet him before you decide?”
That did not get the expected reaction. Ryld looked visibly upset. “I have to decide?”
“Not if you don’t wish to, no.”Oh dear. That was quite the misstep. “If you’d rather have Lysander make the decision, that would be acceptable to everyone, I’m sure.”
Ryld went very still, and Kai was about to ask if he’d made another misstep, but apparently Ryld was just thinking it over before answering, “Lysander is very kind. But he doesn’t understand all the time. Deciding is…hard. But yes. I will decide.”
“Very good.” Kai rose and bowed again, falling back into old habits. “I will let them know. Thank you for speaking with me, little brother. I’m sure I’ll see you again soon.”
Kai had taken only a few steps when Ryld said so softly he wasn’t sure if he meant Kai to hear, “I wish you could be my minder, Kai Hiltas.”
