Page 36 of The Mage on the Hill
BREAKFAST WITHZubayr was achingly nostalgic. His time as Darius’s student had been spent mainly in the guestroom of Darius’s house near the university. Zubayr had been as ill as Toby had when he first arrived, and he had still insisted on making waffles or omelets or pancakes and bacon for both of them most mornings.
Now a healthy adult mage in the prime of his power, in his own house, Zubayr’s breakfasts were more elaborate but retained that same nurturing warmth. It felt like love. Itwaslove, one that had grown from the hero worship of a teenager to a deep and complicated friendship, one that had even survived a short stage when they’d been lovers.
Except he felt like a fraud sitting in Zubayr’s sunny kitchen, the table laden down with cinnamon rolls, biscuits, ham-and-egg scramble, and dishes of fruit. He wasn’t Zubayr’s Darius any longer. A shadowy counterfeit sat in that man’s place and no longer had any right to such an outpouring of love.
“Hey.” Toby nudged him out of his gloom. “If I don’t get away with not eating good stuff, neither do you. Your eggs are getting cold.”
Zubayr speared a piece of mango. “Off into the gorge today, then? I don’t want to push you, but I don’t think delay’s a good idea at this point.”
“Yes.” Darius made a concerted effort to plow through some eggs, realized his answer hadn’t been clear at all, and added, “The gorge.”
“You think I’m close, don’t you?” Toby’s voice broke on the last word, and Darius turned to him in concern.
“Yes.”
“People’ve said, you know, that I’m like her.” Toby drew in a shuddering breath, obviously fighting to continue. “Too much bottled up power. What if I… what if when….”
Darius wanted to reassure him. All that came out was a wounded sound. Exasperated with himself, he held out his hand. “Phone.”
Two puzzled looks greeted his demand, though Toby’s confusion cleared first and he dug in his front pocket for his phone, then handed it to Darius. Good. They had precedent here, and Toby immediately calmed knowing that Darius was about to explain. He needed to make this truly count so Toby wouldremaincalm.
Your level of power is like Kara’s was. Your difficulties in connecting are very like hers. But I need to emphasize two points. One, you are not like Kara in other ways. You’re older, more mature, more emotionally whole and steady. You want so badly to live. That’s why you came to me.
He turned the screen so Toby could read it, though he didn’t relinquish the phone.
“Yeah, okay.” Toby sniffed and wiped at his eyes. “What’s the second thing?”
Two, since your leaking magic had no reaction to water—none—it’s more than unlikely that your Major Arcanum is either Life or Dark, since both are adjacent to Water and would all be in reach of each other.He read that twice and was unable to think of a clearer way to say it, so he shrugged and went on.Therefore, we only have one remaining. Animus. If you suddenly open to your channels and react to Animus with great force, the results won’t be catastrophic as they would with Water or, gods forbid, Fire, for example. What will you do with Animus? Empathize us to death?
Toby’s forehead creased in a frown as he read until he reached the end, where he let out a bark of laughter. “He’s got jokes. All right. All right. This is good to know.”
Warmth flooded Darius’s chest, and he couldn’t help a smile. That laugh? Had been just for him. The return of the mischievous sparkle in those eyes? He’d done that. While he wasn’t as confident of a good outcome as he wanted Toby to believe, there was more hope now than there was impending doom. But his own doubts were less significant now. The more confidenceTobyhad, the greater chance they had of success.
He put his hand over Toby’s and gave him a quick squeeze, surprised when the trickles of Toby’s magic reacted to his touch, reaching for him.Interesting.
“You two finish up.” Zubayr took his empty plate to the sink. “I have some things to organize.”
Darius rolled his eye. “Expedition.”
“Make fun all you want, Valstad. But it pays to be prepared.”
Zubayr swanned off in mock offense and left them to finish in the warm quiet of his kitchen. They worked together to put food away and wash the dishes—only fair since Zubayr had provided all the food. Darius hummed softly, drawn in by the comfortable domesticity of it all. Altogether too comfortable. He wanted so badly to wrap an arm around Toby’s waist and kiss him again. With only one eye, it was easier to look away, but Toby’s movements kept drawing him back, the careful way his fingers gripped each dish as if he were afraid of hurting them, the bright splash when the sunlight caught in his white stripe of hair, the little dancing hops as he maneuvered around Darius’s slower steps.
This moment, this memory, would lodge in his heart for the rest of his life as a point of glorious wonder and aching sorrow. He wanted, yes, but he wantedthistoo. His previous life of joyful sexual exploration belonged to someone else. That had been good, of course. He didn’t regret it, but he needed something different now, something he would never have with Toby, who deserved someone as full of life and humor as himself.
“What?” Toby stopped to squint at him, and Darius realized to his chagrin that he’d been staring. “Something in my teeth?”
Darius shook his head. “You float… in sunlight.”
“Okay, then. Thanks? Maybe?” Toby dried the last dish and shut the cabinet before he slid over and bumped hips with Darius. “Maybe you have a career as a poet.”
“Ha.”
Zubayr returned soon after with a small pack, waters for each of them, and a cap for Toby. He gave Darius a strange, searching look, held up a hand for patience, and went off again. When he returned a second time, he had another hat, one Darius recognized quite well. Wide-brimmed, the high crown had three ventilation holes and a braided leather hatband.
“My Akubra,” Darius murmured. “Wondered where… that was.”
“I wasn’t sure you’d still want it.” Zubayr’s eye was ticcing again. “After everything.”
