Page 39 of Blue Arrow Island
Maybe I’m losing my mind. Maybe this is what happened to the other women here who have babies and don’t care that they don’t get to be mothers to them.
I exhale hard, steeling myself and following Pax.
At least there will be other people in the ocean swimming and bathing. I don’t trust myself alone with Pax. Nothing has ever made me feel more helpless than this loss of control over my own mind and body.
I have to get off this island. Soon.
13
It’s a mistake to study a plant in isolation. A plant’s relationships with pollinators, seed dispersers, root symbionts and even its enemy herbivores are all keys to a plant’s true biological identity.
- Excerpt from a lecture given by Dr. Lucinda Hollis in her Introduction to Plant Biology course
The mood in camp the next day is charged with excitement. As some of us work in groups to remove debris and others carry in freshly felled logs for new buildings, every conversation I overhear is about the same thing: Pax and Anders.
They’re all morbid versions of the watercooler talks people used to have before big sporting events. Who’s gonna win? Who has the edge? How long will it last?
People are betting their meager belongings and work assignments on the outcome of the match. I keep my head down, focused only on learning to weave the reed baskets used to move produce and small game into camp.
“Pull it tighter.” Keila, the three teaching me how to make the baskets, works circles around me, her fingers deftly working the wet reeds into sturdy baskets with arm loops for carrying.
The baskets were all blown away in the storm, and the sooner we get several done, the sooner we can get enough coconuts and papaya to feed everyone—hopefully. I haven’t eaten since before the storm, though I don’t feel as weak as I should from it.
“That’s nice craftsmanship,” a sweet female voice says from behind me. “For a dog.”
My skin prickles with awareness as Marcelle sits down on the ground beside me, two of her friends sitting down on her other side.
“Pax’s pet may be mangy and smelly, but she sure is a loyal little puppy, following him everywhere he goes. I bet you sit at his feet while he’s taking a shit.”
“Are you here to work?” Keila asks.
In answer, Marcelle reaches for the pile of supplies nearby, picking up some reeds.
“Do you suck him off while he’s taking a shit?” Marcelle sneers at me.
I don’t need to make waves. The clock is ticking on finding a way out of here before my mind completely turns on me. Arguing with Marcelle won’t help me reach that goal, and it could make it harder for me.
She’s a three, and I’m a one. There’s a stupid amount of respect for the hierarchy here.
“I just really think baby killers are the most evil people there are,” she says, her hands weaving reeds. “Wouldn’t you guys rather take out a baby killer than literally anyone else?”
“I would,” one of her friends immediately says.
I shouldn’t say anything. But the beating is still so fresh in my mind. The terror I felt when they were holding me down and I thought I was going to die. And the worst part is, in a worldwhere men use and abuse women without a care, it was other women who did that to me.
“Did you know it’s my sixteenth day here?” I infuse enthusiasm into the question and smile at Marcelle.
“A better question is, do I give a shit?” She gives me a withering glare.
“Oh.” I feign disappointment. “Sorry. I thought you’d care because on day thirty-one, I can call people into the circle.”
Her jaw drops and her eyes dance with amusement. “I hope you do, bitch. I really do.”
I give her a confident, full-faced grin. “Oh, you can count on it. Because I think the most evil people out there are women who try to kill other women without even knowing why they’re doing it, especially when they’re too chickenshit to try it without a bunch of their friends holding their victim down.”
Keila chokes on a laugh beside me. Marcelle’s face reddens with anger, her lips pressed into a thin line.
“I’m going to enjoy killing you,” she says in a low voice. “It won’t be fast. I’m going to make it as slow and painful as I possibly can.”
