Page 170 of Blue Arrow Island
She’s the only one who knows what I’ve done. We did it together, as members of the original twenty-six. And somehow, she doesn’t hate herself. Or me.
When my leaden eyelids open, her outline beside me is fuzzy. I blink a few times and she comes into focus. Everything rushes back in a sickening wave of realization. The ravens taking Briar. The volcano. The circle. Virginia’s death.
Briar knows who I really am.
I jolt, trying to get out of bed, but I’m strapped down.
“Easy,” Ellison puts a hand on my shoulder. “The restraints are for your safety. Stay calm.”
My heart pumps hard as I struggle against the straps around my wrists and ankles, confining me to a bed. This can’t be fucking happening. Ellison would never turn on me.
“Take them off,” I command.
“I’m going to.” She levels a serious gaze at me. “You listen to me for the next two minutes, and then I take them off. You have my word.”
I’m in one of her patient rooms, and the heaviness I feel has to mean I’ve been drugged. None of this makes any sense.
“What the fuck is this?”
“You got very sick at the switch point when your aromium was turned off. You had a seizure. Nova and Niran carried you back to camp.”
The yelling. They weren’t angry. They were begging me to hold on while they got me to Ellison. I threw up all over Niran. He was a wreck, on the verge of tears.
The tension pulling at my muscles fades slightly as I look around the dimly lit room. There’s the bed I’m in. A light. Some machines. An empty chair. A small side table. And Ellison.
“Where’s Briar?”
Ellison’s brows drop a fraction. “She’s been here. It’s been almost a week. She’s working with Dr. McClain; they’re studying the flowers and trying to make a stabilizer.”
My fury ebbs, my shoulders relaxing against the pillow. I’m not the one who has anything to be furious about—she is.
“I think the aromium switching caused your brain to swell,” Ellison continues. “I thought we were going to lose you. Dr. McClain was the one who—” She clears her throat. “He saved you. You’ve been heavily sedated while we waited to see if the brain swelling would go down.”
“Briar hates me.”
There’s no fight behind the words. I’m a broken, defeated man; the house of cards I built so I could have a chance with her is in ruins at my feet.
“She’s angry.” Ellison’s voice is gentle. “But hate is a strong word, my friend. Give her some time and space.”
There’s already a chasm between us. Her expression when she turned to me after Pax told her the truth about me is seared into my memory. She didn’t even ask if it was true—she knew. My betrayal hurt her so badly that she could only look at me for a couple of seconds before she had to turn away.
Ellison starts unfastening one of the restraints at my wrists. “You have to keep resting. I don’t care if you feel like it. You haven’t eaten in a week and your body is still recovering.”
I don’t respond because I don’t care whether I’m resting or doing what I usually would. Briar won’t ever trust me again. I ruined the best thing I had.
Even though I knew I didn’t deserve her, I let her believe I was someone good. Someone she could trust. I’m no better than Pax or Virginia.
“I wanted to surgically remove your aromium implant,” Ellison says. “Dr. McClain talked me out of it. Both of us believethat even one more aromium switch will probably kill you. This last one came very close.”
I shrug. “It had to be done.”
Her eyes meet mine and I find the determination I know her for. “Nova, Niran and I all agreed that if you try to turn your aromium on again, we’ll sedate you and I’ll remove it.”
My brows drop. “What the fuck? That’s my decision.”
“We made it ours. The aromium switch has been moved to a secure location you won’t know about.”
I shake my head, disgusted that my closest friends were conspiring against me while I was laid up and drugged.
