Page 20 of This Memory
I could feel the tears building once again, and I blinked rapidly. Gavin noticed because he reached across the table and took my hand. “Happy tears?”
“No, nervous tears. Did-I-do-the-right-thing tears.”
“What does your heart tell you?”
Running my finger along the circle pattern on the tablecloth, I replied, “That I’m doing the right thing.”
“But?”
Slowly, I let out a breath and met his gaze again. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m just scared.”
“I would think that’s normal. I mean, take out the fact that you’re carrying someone else’s baby, I’d think it would still be scary foranywoman.”
I nodded. “I suppose so.”
The waitress walked up to the table and smiled at us before she looked at me. “Can I start you off with something to drink?”
“Water for me, please.”
When she turned to Gavin, he asked her for a Coke. After the waitress left to get our drinks, I opened the menu, then immediately lowered it.
“Can I ask you a question, and do you promise to be serious, not make a stupid joke?”
He peeked over his menu. “Excuse me, but none of my jokes are stupid.”
“Gavin.”
Setting the menu down, he leaned back. “Ask away.”
“Do you think Evelyn will be okay with seeing me carrying her baby?”
His brows drew in. “Do you mean do I think she’ll be upset or jealous?”
“Yes. How do you think she’s going to handle it?” Taking a moment to think about his answer, he slowly exhaled. “It might make her upset knowing she wasn’t able to carry the baby herself, but I think once she holds him or her in her arms, she’ll forget all about how she felt during the pregnancy.”
Chewing on my lower lip, I nodded. “I don’t know if I should talk about it. Like…do I share with her if I’m sick, or when I feel the baby move for the first time? She’ll missallof that, and I don’t know how to make her feel like she’s a part of it.”
“Bry, she’s not going to be able to be with you a hundred percent of the time. You’re going to experience a lot of things without her but looking at it from Denny’s point of view…if I were the father, I’d want to know how you were feeling, what’s happening…no matter how big or how little. I would imagine Evelyn will too.”
I sighed. “I just don’t know how much to share without upsetting her.”
“Is there someone more knowledgeable you could talk to about it?”
The waitress came back over with our drinks and set them down. She quickly took our orders and then hurried off once again.
“To answer your question, yes. There’s a therapist I’m assigned to. I can call her anytime and talk.”
“Have you talked to her about this?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I just thought about it on the way over here. Thisisgreat news, and I know Evelyn and Denny will be happy, but if the roles were reversed, I think I’d be so upset that I was missing out on all those firsts.”
“My advice would be to talk to Evelyn about it. Ask how much shewantsyou to tell her.”
“I was going to keep a journal, starting with the day I found out I was pregnant, that I planned on giving to her after the baby was born.”
He smiled, and my stupid heart tripped over itself. “That’s a great idea, Bry. Though I still think you should talk to her about how much she wants you to share.”
I returned his smile. “I will.”
