Page 98 of The Deer and the Dragon
“Shh.” He rolled his mouth toward the hand that I’d left against his cheek and pressed a kiss into my palm. “Why are you blaming yourself for what you didn’t know?”
Even his kindness was sending me into a tailspin. I was so overcome with waves of conflicting emotions that I didn’t know what to do or how to feel. I didn’t want every memory he had of me to be me crying. I exhaled slowly as I asked, “Was I this stupid in all of my lives?”
He relaxed his body into mine, and I felt so secure beneath the pressure of his weight. He wrapped an arm around me as he said, “You’re brilliant. You’re as quick and clever in this life as you’ve been in all of them.”
“Fauna would disagree,” I murmured.
He smiled softly. “If I had to guess, I’d say you’ve found a Norde.”
I realized with a sharp stab that, though I’d been living and working with Fauna and Azrames, spending every waking second talking about Caliban, he hadn’t heard a word about them. I distinctly recalled Azrames saying he’d never met Hell’s Prince, as he wasn’t important enough to run in such circles. I wondered what Caliban would think about me having a demon as one of my most trusted friends.
“So much has happened,” I said, intensity cooling as I memorized his features. His eyes burned with the incomprehensible silver of starlight. His hair was the same white as the fox that had kept me from shattering, my friend and guardian when I’d had nothing and no one. His chest was broad enough that I could disappear into it as he held me, lost in the mossy scent of the forest.
He asked me to tell him about it, and so I did.
His fingers continued to work through my hair, grazing gently against my scalp and moving my strands around with slow, methodical motions. He didn’t stop touching me as I explained the witches I’d called or the sigil I’d found above my door. He drew a thumb around the black ink that contrasted against the skin of my forearm while I spoke of the parasite and my second encounter with Silas. He stiffened ever so slightly when I explained how Silas had offered the bond, and then he relaxed once more when my story turned to Fauna.
He traced relaxing patterns along my back while I told him of Betty and Azrames and hearing about the cycle of mortal lives. He cupped the back of my head when my conversation drifted to my mother and her cruelty and then bunched in my hair with a smile when I told him of my time in Hell. His teeth glistened with true joy at the way I described his father.
“He’s loved you for more than two thousand years,” Caliban said. “You’re his daughter-in-waiting in his eyes.”
“That’s a long time to wait,” I whispered. A switch within me flipped at thoughts of his father. “Caliban…you risked his life. You risked your kingdom. Your people. Thewar. The end times.”
His laugh was short and breathy. “If you wouldn’t burn the world to the ground for the one you love, are you even in love?”
“You should have let me die,” I said quietly. “Fauna said that if Heaven wins, every pantheon will fall. Heaven and his angels will reign on earth. Eight billion humans enslaved while calling it worship. I’m not worth the goddamn apocalypse.”
“I can promise you: you are.” He pressed another kiss into my hair, tucking me against him even more tightly as he said, “I’d wait two thousand more, you know.”
I wormed away just enough to look up at him as I said, “I won’t.”
He arched a cautious brow.
“Bond with me,” I said, voice breathless.
His smile faltered. “Oh, Love.”
“I end the loop then, right? Isn’t that what everyone’s been trying to explain? If we bond, I won’t be born again as a human. I can stay with you. We can—”
“We’re already bonded. What we have is more than the formality of realms,” he said quietly. “You don’t need to hook your soul to mine.”
“I want to,” I pressed, and I meant it. Maybe I’d spent my life insisting that he was a perfect figment of my imagination, that I’d created a best friend, a guardian, a lover, a beautiful puzzle piece for the hole within me. Maybe I hadn’t known about realms or kingdoms or fae for long, but I’d known Caliban since my very first memory. I’d known of him and his goodness since the day I stood with soap running around my sneakers and a sponge in my hand. And after Fauna’s words…
He exhaled, ferns and mist on his breath. “Even if we were to finalize the bond, it can’t be now, Marlow. You know where we are? What this town is?”
My cheek rubbed against the impossible soft fabric of his thin black tee as I nodded. “It’s why I’m here. Why Az and I—” I looked over my shoulder as if Azrames would be in the corner. “We’re going to get you out. I’m going to get you out.”
“Once you’re bound, you won’t be able to leave. It’s a—”
“God catcher,” I finished quietly. “Have you met her? Astarte? We were supposed to go find Venus, whatever that means. I was ready to knock on every door in Bellfield to find you, but apparently, this goddess and some random planet were the key to figuring out what the fuck is going on.”
He made a short, frustrated sound.
“I’ve found her,” he said, “and Venus was a way to hide in plain sight. I’ve kept a low profile while I plan my next steps. She’ll know something is amiss after today’s display with the weather. I expect she’ll be on alert. She’s kept Dagon here for hundreds of years, and I know there are others. I can smell them.” He inhaled my hair, and I wondered if he was breathing in the distant salt and pine from the splash of fae within my blood. “I don’t know whether they stumbled in on accident, or how they’ve come to be, but this city is a spider web. No one from any of the realms can come to save us.”
Anger lanced through me. I pushed myself out of his arms and into a sitting position. “How could Silas do this to you? Does he hate you that much?”
Caliban moved into a sitting position, facing me as he smirked. “I think you might be surprised at the answer.”
