Page 19 of The Deer and the Dragon
It was as if he’d heard my thoughts. “All evidence of him is gone.”
“How did you…” I decided the answer didn’t matter. Part of me wanted to get up and see the wreckage of the living room for myself, but a stronger part of me needed to stay in bed. Whatever I saw would be something I either wouldn’t understand or wouldn’t trust. Even now, with Caliban holding me, it was easier to believe I was dreaming. The injuries were a hallucination, as no scratch remained. The attack was a nightmare. I was injury-free, which had to mean none of it had happened. Richard had been the worst sort of delusion.
I rolled toward Caliban in the dark, resting my head against his chest once more. He pressed another kiss to the crown of my head. The confusion, the panic, the chaos had died into the distant thrum of numbness. I lifted my hand to feel where the blood had dried in my hair.
“Why now?” I asked.
He frowned down at me.
“Why can I see you now after all these years? You said I couldn’t see you again…”
“No,” he corrected with gentle solemnity. “You said you didn’twantto see me again. It’s a gray area, and one I’m taking advantage of right now. There is an absence of wants in the moment of death. Rules are every bit as important as their loopholes.”
My thoughts tipped and tilted. I was already numb from the trauma, disoriented from the insanity, and still flooded with survival endorphins. I struggled to make sense of heads or tails, fixating on one word alone.
Death.
“Do you want me to get you in the shower?” he asked, frowning down at the quickly drying blood on my hands.
I didn’t move.
“Marlow…” His patient sound was pained. He cupped my cheek, waiting for me to look up at him. “You’re in shock.”
His words stole my breath like a punch to the gut. I screwed my eyes against the shadows to stare into the face that looked back. “Were you there?”
The rush of earth and amber and the freshness at the core of creation brushed against my hair as he breathed out. Chills rose over my cheek, my back, my chest. He held me closer as he said, “How could I stay away?”
“You were there the whole time, and you didn’t help?”
He tightened his hold. “I know you can’t understand the forging absolution of agreements, but—”
“You were going to let me die,” I said, clinging to the finality of the word like a lightning rod. I didn’t care what storm struck in its aftermath.
I heard the patience tinge with the barest color of frustration as he said, “I know you don’t understand when I talk about verbal contracts. And right now, you’re in shock. But Marlow, I’ve never let you down. Believe me when I tell you that even though it couldn’t be my hands, I moved mountains to keep you safe. I’ve—”
“You would have stood there and watched me die.”
He pulled away from me as he tried to put a hand beneath my chin, saying, “Humans have nothing like the sovereignty of binding contracts in your realm. They’re oaths, Marlow, and that transcends time and place. There’s no—”
I jerked away from his touch.
“Silas saved me. Thatstrangersaved me. Not you.”
He grimaced at the name. There was an authority to his voice, a demand as he spoke. “Then give me free rein in your home, Love. Let me into your life. If it’s what you want, open it up to me.”
“Get out.”
His eyes flashed, patience becoming anger as his fingers tightened around me. “If you want me, then you’re going to have to say so.”
I sat up. “Fuck that. Get out, Caliban. Get out, and don’t come back. How could I—”
His mouth worked against words left unspoken. A muscle in his jaw feathered. He kept his hand gentle, though his fingers were clenched with emotion as he said, “Don’t give commands out of anger. For the love of the gods, I wish I could explain to you—”
Tears began to spill as I said, “There’s nothing to explain. You would have let me die. Leave. Leave, and don’t come back.”
“You don’t—”
“I do!” I cried, words trembling as all the fear and desperation and horror from the night coursed through me along with the shuddering anger. “I’ve wanted freedom from this for twenty years. I mean it, Caliban. Don’t come back.”
