Page 113 of The Deer and the Dragon
And I didn’t need a single heartbeat to consider my answer.
“Implicitly.”
I didn’t think I’d be able to sleep a wink that night. I got my cheeseburger, but something about room service always ruined the flavor. Burgers were meant to be eaten out of greasy wrapping paper on top of picnic tables that had been welded into parking lots. Fries needed flickering streetlights and the hum of traffic and the late-night pleasant feeling of coming home from the bar. Five-star hotels, with their jalapeño jam, their bacon chutney, and their Wagyu beef, took the magic out of a good burger.
I’d taken longer than necessary in the shower, knowing Caliban and Azrames had things to discuss. They’d had very little time together since I’d dropped the bomb that I’d ruined all hope of breaking the seal under the radar. I would not be taking a shovel to a secret hill and disrupting the integrity of the trap. We would not be escaping without bloodshed.
I managed to finish two of my beers, but the men took the others. I realized with some disappointment in myself that Fauna was constantly eating in my presence and that I should have been more considerate of their needs, but they assured me that, as they weren’t in corporeal form like my Fauna, they did not operate the same. Alcohol was a common offering to spirits regardless of the realm. And with a toast, Azrames had taken the far bed and I’d crawled beneath the covers to face the blank wall.
The dark was not comforting.
Caliban wrapped his arm around me, enveloping me in the heavy hold of strength, of the forest, and of affection. I felt safe, I felt loved, and I felt the most profound regret I’d ever experienced in my life.
I’d spent eighteen years in a physically and emotionally abusive household, rarely granted compassion. I’d rejected the only companionship that had been consistent in my life until it was too late. And when we had each other at long last, the first thing I’d done was fuck it up.
He must have sensed the painful spike as my emotion shifted.
Wordlessly, he used the hand that held me to brush away my tears. I snatched his hand from the shadows before me and pushed a kiss into his palm, feeling the way his body tightened around mine, encompassing me wholly. And though I’d been certain I’d lie awake in a fit of stress and worry, I was swept up in calming visions of a misty forest, of deeply olive ferns, of moss-covered logs and the calming smells of gin and cypress, and I fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.
Chapter Thirty-Six
I’d only asked him once.
“I just go in there and…wait for the cavalry?”
Pain painted itself across his expression. “I truly can’t tell you, Love. Not because I don’t trust you with the information. Quite the contrary. But I am confident my plan will work. And if it doesn’t, I will hack my way through every man, woman, and child who stands in my way.”
“So violent.” I tried to smile.
“I’m serious,” he replied. “I don’t want you to go at all, but we have one shot at breaking this bond, and killing a goddess is no small feat. We need her guard down. Not only hers, but everyone around her. Like I said, we have—”
“One shot.”
My throat worked as I struggled to swallow. He was serious. I tried to picture Astarte’s stunning form and spotless, medical coat full of bullet holes as she looked back at me with lifeless eyes.
And though I was desperate to know what he and Azrames were plotting while I stepped like a child into a den of vipers, I didn’t press him. She may be a serpent, but I ran with wolves.
“Astarte needs to believe everything is normal. Better than normal. I’ve seen you in a number of masks, Love. Thismay be the greatest acting role to date. It’s…I wouldn’t be able to do what you can do. I wouldn’t be able to look her in the eye knowing what I know. You have a gift far greater than mine. Don’t underestimate the value of your skill.”
“So I carry on with the procedure as if I’m just there to get knocked up and write a book. Got it.”
My tone may have been light, but my soul was anything but. My unshakable faith in Caliban and Azrames didn’t make things any less stressful for the anxiety-ridden control freak in me.
He’d kissed me more times that morning than I could count. Cool, gentle kisses against my shoulder had woken me up in the morning light. Tender kisses on my mouth, on my neck, on the notch at the bottom of my throat had made me loop my leg around him to pull him closer. He’d accepted my bid for affection, crushing me against him as his mouth claimed mine.
“Fuck later” came Azrames’s grumbling voice from the far side of the room.
“Prude,” I replied.
He laughed and shook the sheets from him. Shadow-dark muscles in little more than night shorts, he ran a hand through his hair and walked past us for the shower as he said, “You don’t want Astarte smelling Hell on you.”
Azrames disappeared into the bathroom, and a steam of hot mist escaped the shower a moment later.
“He’s right,” Caliban agreed. “You’ll need to scrub off any sign of me.”
“Join me?” I asked, biting my lip as I rolled my hips against his.
His voice stayed low as he growled against my cheek. “That would defeat the purpose, Love.” Goose bumps raced from my scalp down my back at the rumble of his words. He traced his fingers up and down my spine as we waited for Azrames to shower, and my heart squeezed for him. I wondered how much harder this was for him than I couldever realize. I tried to fathom lifetimes with a person, only to have a window of understanding after two thousand years. The moment the window had cracked open, it had been slammed shut. It was hard to believe a love like that could exist. It was even harder to believe I could be worthy of it.
