Page 12 of Once a Villain
Someone said her name then, quiet and clear, as if they were standing right beside her.
“Joan?”
Joan startled, searching for the source, but there was no one here. And then recognition came. That had beenGran’svoice. “Gran?” she said uncertainly.
How could Gran be here, though, in an empty closet, in an empty room?
As Joan thought that, there was a kind of jolt, and the lamps in the room dimmed as if someone had turned down a dial.What—she tried to say. But, to her horror, she couldn’t speak. She couldn’t even feel the breath in her lungs.
A rustle sounded nearby, and Gran’s voice came again out of the darkness beside her. “Joan, can you hear me?”
Gran,Joan tried again to say. But she couldn’t move.
Panic flared through her as she realized she was in a full-blown fade-out.
The first time this had happened, Aaron had been there.You nearly died, he’d said, horrified.You tried to travel without taking time first.You jumped and then you tried to jump again. You didn’t know how to put on the brakes.
Since then, Joan had been waking up to fade-outs almost every morning. She tried to calm herself now and focus on sensory details—just as Aaron had taught her. If she could claw back her senses, she’d be in the present moment again. She’d be able to breathe. She’d be safe.
What detailswerethere? She’d half turned when she’d heard Gran’s voice, and now she was frozen in place like that. Her field of view showed only the thick velvet curtains at the other end of the room. From here, they were just shapes and shadows—not enough specificity to ground herself.
Panic roiled. She couldn’t shift her eyes. Couldn’t even blink.
Gran’s voice came again, filtering hazily through the panic. “Joan, you’re running out of time. You have to stop Eleanor before it’s too late. There are people who can help you. You must find them. You’ll know them by the mark of the wolf.”
Gran wasn’t here. Joanwishedshe were, but this had to bea hallucination from lack of oxygen. In her peripheral vision, her chest wasn’t moving. How long could she survive without breathing? How long had it already been? A minute? Two minutes?
Breathe, she told herself, terrified. But she just couldn’t. She had nothing to ground herself with. Nothing to hold on to. She was going to die here, alone in the dark.
And suddenly, Aaron was there.
He pulled her toward him, and maybe the movement helped because Joan’s lungs inflated. She gasped in air as if he’d just dragged her, drowning, from the ocean. She clutched desperately at the lapel of his jacket, aware distantly that she was creasing the material, stretching it. He’d hate that. But she couldn’t seem to let go. Her whole body was shaking.
Aaron pulled her closer. His mouth moved silently, his fine features creased with worry.Don’t leave me, his lips seemed to say.Stay with me.And maybe:Please. I only just found you.
There was pressure and warmth at Joan’s waist. She could feel again. She focused on his face, on the strength of his grip.Don’t let go, she wanted to say.Please.His touch was the only thing keeping her together—she was sure of it. If he released her, she’d fade out again, and she’d never come back.
He didn’t let go. Didn’t even seem to notice his wrinkled jacket under her fist. Joan breathed in and out and in, andfinallyshe heard his voice. “Stay here,” he whispered, mouth pressed to her temple. “Stay in this room with me.”
Joan tried her voice. “I’m here.” It came out as a rasp.
“Fuck.” Aaron closed his eyes, his hands tightening around her waist.
Joan could feel his fingers flexing against her dress. She could see. Could hear. She was back in the present moment. “I’m okay,” she managed, relieved.
Aaron breathed out an incredulous laugh. There was no humor in it at all. “Okay?” he repeated. “When I came in your lips wereblue!” He looked down at her fingers, still clutching his shirt. For a moment, Joan thought he was going to smooth the creases. But he just took a shuddering breath. “This shouldn’t be happening,” he murmured. “These fade-outs... Not like this.” He pulled back just enough to search her face. “Something’s going on here,” he said, almost to himself. For a second, his expression was rakingly sharp and analytical.
“What do you mean?” Joan said.
At her words, Aaron’s expression softened. “I’m going to fix this,” he said seriously. “This isnotgoing to keep happening.” He pulled away from her, and Joan was momentarily cold. A second later, though, he offered his hand. “Come on. You’ll be more grounded when you eat something.”
Joan took his hand and let him lead her away. As she did, though, she remembered the strange shard of light she’d seen. She stopped and looked over her shoulder. There was nothing there. She’d hallucinated it, like she’d hallucinated Gran’s voice.
And yet... when she thought of those words in Gran’s voice, a shiver ran through her.Joan, you’re running out of time.
“What is it?” Aaron said.
Joan hesitated. “Did you hear someone speaking when you came into the room?”
