Page 103 of Once a Villain
“Iloveyou.” He’d said he’d felt the same. Hadn’t that been true? Had she done something since that had made him change his mind? “Did—Did I do something wrong?” she whispered. “I’ve never really been in a relationship before. If I’ve done something wrong—”
His maskdiddrop then, and Joan saw a glimpse of his feelings for her. She saw again the depth of them. “No,” he said, voice gentling. “You haven’t done anything wrong.”
Joan wanted to feel relieved, but her throat felt painfully tight. Why was he looking at her like he was saying goodbye? “Whatever you’re about to say, please don’t,” she whispered. She’d lost him once before, and it had been like losing herself. At least last time, it hadn’t been his choice.
“Joan...” He said her name carefully, as if it was a fragile thing that he’d been tasked with caring for. The mask was still off—she could see everything he was feeling. Hedidlove her. “I would be with you if there were any chance that I could make you happy. But I can’t. Not while he was dead, and certainly not now he’s alive. You can say that you choose me, but if you kept to that pledge, you’d never stop yearning for him. It would kill you knowing that he’s alive and that he loves you back, and that youweren’t with him. You wouldn’t be able to bear it, and I couldn’t bearthat.”
“I didn’t get overyouwhen I lost you last time.” She’d thought of Aaron constantly; she’d woken to thoughts of him, fallen asleep with his face in her mind.
Aaron did touch her then, his hand closing over hers with a kind of painful reverence—as if he was trying to lock in his mind how it felt to touch her. “I saw your face when you realized he was alive. Isawyou. I heard the way you said his name. The way he said yours.” He was quiet for a moment. “Tell me that you wouldn’t think of him if you were with me.”
Joan swallowed. Last night, it had felt likeAaronwas constantly thinking of Nick.
“Tell me you wouldn’t wish to be withhimnow that he’s alive,” Aaron said. “Tell me nothing I said was true. Tell me I’m completely wrong.”
Joan didn’t want to lie to him. She fought back tears.
A terrible knowing look flickered in Aaron’s gaze, and then the mask was back up.
Joan loved Aaron. Shelovedhim. And she loved Nick too. It was like her heart had been torn into two halves, stamped with both their names. Losing one of them would be like losing half of herself. “If I was with him, I’d think of you,” she said. “That’s the truth too. I needyou. Aaron,please!”
Aaron’s eyes shone slightly in the low light. “We’re going to stop Eleanor,” he said softly. “We’re going to change the timeline, and then you and I will both forget each other, and everything will go back to the way it was always supposed to be.”
He said it with finality, as if it was a true vision of the future.We should act as if it didn’t happen, he’d said.
And if they corrected the timeline, then maybe itwouldcome true. Last night would be erased, as if it had never happened.
Joan felt more than heard Nick’s heavy tread. She turned fast. He was walking up to the table and was almost upon them. She and Aaron had been so engrossed in their conversation that they hadn’t heard him coming back.
Had he overheard what they’d said? As soon as Joan saw his face, she knew it didn’t matter. His eyes were fixed on their clasped hands on the table, how close they were sitting together. And his fogged confusion from earlier was gone now; his expression was blooming into realization and hurt.
“Don’t overreact,” Aaron said to Nick.
“I haven’t reacted at all yet,” Nick said, the words too even. He wasn’t looking at Aaron. His eyes were on Joan like he thought he’d known her; like he didn’t know her anymore.
It’s not what you think. I reached out for him in grief, Joan thought. But she couldn’t say that. It wouldn’t be fair to Aaron; it wouldn’t be fair to the truth. She’d reached for Aaron because she loved him. She met Nick’s eyes. “I wanted to talk to you,” she managed.
“Well, now you don’t have to,” Nick said. And still, his voice was horribly even, horribly devoid of emotion. The terrible hurt was there, though—it was all over his face.
“Nick.” All of this felt unreal suddenly. Joan gripped the edge of the table, needing to feelsomethingsolid. But under her fingers, even the wood felt strange. “Please.”
Nick was already backing up, though. He was going to leave.
“Don’t be an idiot,” Aaron told him sharply. “You’re still weak, and there are guards out there looking for you!”
As he said it, there was a startled exclamation from the direction of the bar.
Joan turned toward the voice—one of the waiters was staring at their table, eyes wide with horror and shock. Joan followed his gaze and jerked back.
Under her hands, a tear was opening up in the timeline—a sickening thing, jagged edges surrounding an abyss. Joan felt like she was standing at the top of a cliff at the edge of the world, looking down intonothing.
“What the hell is that?” someone shouted.
“It’s a tear in the timeline!”
“It’sher!” someone shouted. “She’sdoing it. She’s tearing into the timeline!”
“Someone call the guards!Now!”
