Page 128 of Once a Villain
Nick closed his eyes, shoulders tense, and adjusted his jacket collar. All the powerful monsters around them had clearly been getting to him. Being in this room was a moment of respite. “We should get back to the others.”
“You can take a second,” Aaron said to him.
Nick’s chest hitched as if he’d needed the permission. He took a slow breath, and Joan could see him trying to force himself into the right mindset. As he turned back to the door, Aaron stopped him again.
“Wait,” Aaron said. “Since it’s just us here.And I might not get another chance to say it...”
Joan knew what Aaron meant. Either they’d confront Eleanor and win—and usher in a new, healthier timeline—or they’d die. Her stomach dropped at the thought. This was really happening. This might be the last time they’d ever be in a room alone together.
“What do you want to say?” Nick asked Aaron quietly.
Aaron hesitated, glancing at the window. Outside, blue and white light flared and died; the library had a view of the Dutch Garden and its luminescent display. “I don’t know if you felt what I felt back at the Grave house, but it seemed to me that we all had the same thought.”
Joan felt breathless suddenly. She turned to Nick, who was staring between them, his eyes dark and difficult to read.
Joan had been talking about choices earlier—choosing between Aaron and Nick. But there was a third choice that she hadn’t considered before then. One that wouldn’t end with her heart in two pieces. She wasn’t one thing—monster or human—she was both. And something inside her loved them both. Wanted to be with them both.
Could that really be possible?
“I—I mean...” Aaron ducked his head. “If we don’t die tonight, I suppose you two would find each other again in the new timeline.”
He’d said that before. “Aaron... ,” Joan said.
“I just know where I stand,” Aaron said simply. “You two were together in thezhenshí de lìshiand you’ll always be fated to return to each other. So maybe it doesn’t matter whatIwant. Or what any of us wants. I—I don’t even know what you twowant. I just—”
“I felt it,” Nick said, interrupting the rising uncertainty in Aaron’s voice. His own tone was solid. Aaron’s mouth snapped shut. He seemed a little stunned that Nick had confirmed it. “I’m not saying it would work,” Nick said honestly, “but I felt it whenwe spoke this morning. The possibility of it. I feel it now.”
“And you’d want that?” Aaron said, uncertainty still in his voice.
Nick searched his face. “You and I are still getting to know each other in this timeline,” he said, and Aaron nodded quickly, face falling slightly, as if he hadn’t expected to hear anything else. “But Iwantto know you,” Nick said. “And I—I do feel something. I don’t know if it’s some echo from our counterparts, but I feel it.”
A faint emotion flared inside Joan then. For a strange second, she didn’t know what it was.Hope, she realized belatedly. She’d become so used to anticipating pain that she’d forgotten hope was possible too.
“What doyouwant?” she asked Aaron. The moment still felt so precarious. So much had happened between them all that this seemed half-impossible. Could they really all want the same thing?
“I just...” Aaron swallowed visibly, and Joan’s heart clenched. “I just think that it doesn’t matter what I want. You two are fated, and...”And I’m not.
Joan opened her mouth to remind him that she’d fallen for him in multiple timelines now; that Nick had fallen for him in the last timeline. That maybe they were all soul mates in a way.
But the thing was, she’d always hated the idea of fate. Aaron had been raised as a monster; he’d always viewed the future as something written in a book. But as soon as Joan had learned about time travel, she’d fought against the prospect of anunchangeable future. She’d fought until shehadchanged it.
Circumstances aren’t everything, Mum had said about Eleanor.And Joan believed it was true for the three of them here too. Hadn’t they all broken out of their supposedly fated roles—as monsters and humans—in every timeline now?
She looked up at Aaron, struck as always by his beauty. They were all standing by the window, and in the glowing light of the fireworks, he seemed otherworldly and untouchable. He wasn’t, though. She knew that now. She knew how breakable his heart really was.
“I don’t know what the new timeline will bring,” she said to him truthfully, “but we’ll have choices next time. And we have choices inthistimeline. You can choose whatyouwant, right here, right now.” She bit her lip. “Whatdoyou want?” she asked again.
Aaron’s long, pale lashes fanned down. He took Joan’s hand, his thumb swiping over her palm gently. Then he drew a breath as if he was about to jump off a cliff and wasn’t sure if the water would be deep enough to hold him. He reached for Nick’s jaw and kissed him, slowly and deliberately. Nick’s eyes darkened, just like when he and Joan had kissed.
Aaron turned then, and kissed Joan too, the taste of Nick still on his lips. Joan’s breath shuddered out when he pulled back. She wasn’t sure whether she was feeling relief or hope.
“What was that?” Nick asked Aaron, sounding a little breathless. “A trial run?”
Aaron hesitated. The kiss had been half-bravado. Joan could see that he still felt on the outside, looking in. But he gathered himself. “Let’s call it a to-be-continued,” he said, gray eyessearching Nick’s face. “If we make it out of here, maybe we can see what happens next.”
“An incentive to get out, then,” Nick said.
Aaron blinked, and then smiled back—it was small but genuine. One of the smiles that Joan only ever saw in private.
