Page 84 of The Cruel Dawn
Jadon whispers my name, and I whisper his, and I can almost remember how he feels inside me. The earth rumbles beneath us, and I finally open my eyes and look at him. His eyes are bright, his gaze jumping between my hands and my eyes; I know that, like me, he wants his hand to be my hand. I’m a moment away from pulling him to me, into me, but that rumble inside of me becomes a crashing wave, and it slams over me, over and over again. He whispers, “Fuck,” between breaths until he emits a staggered gasp. We lie there, both satisfied and unsatisfied, as the air chills our damp skin.
“Will I ever touch you again?” he whispers.
Who I’ll hurt for…
“I don’t know.” I close my eyes, and a teardrop rolls back into my ear.
…
Even with my eyes closed, white light blinds me.
I sit up, my head swimming, fire igniting along my spine. With stiff fingers, I twist the towel around my chest, wincing as my joints protest.
Jadon sleeps, and the grass is brown and dead beneath him.
I stand, stifling a groan as my bones creak. I shield my eyes against that unrelenting white light with a sore hand.
The light glows brightest over at the bluff where red cardinals are fluttering, where Elyn stands at the cliff, her fists curled on her hips.
I totter over to her, pulse racing. “What’s wrong?”
She looks me up and down, scowling. “You should see yourself right now.”
Wait. Why am I nowlooking upat her? Where’s theLibrum—?
I bring my knees stiffly to my chest as my blood oozes through me like mud.
Elyn stands over me and shakes her head. “Was it worth it, Kai?”
My eyes fill with hot tears. “What’s happening to me?” It hurts even to whisper.
“You’re dying, idiot.” Elyn stoops to press her hands on my stomach and the small of my back. “That luclite thread in your hair acted as armor and protected your head and neck. That probably saved your life.”
A warm energy from Elyn’s fingers travels up and down my spine, healing the broken parts of me. My mind clears, my throat loosens, and I can breathe again.
She helps me stand, and once I get my legs under me, she pushes me away. “You’ve risked all of our safety, you know that? I’m not here to be your nursemaid. I’m not Separi.”
“I know.” I stumble away from her like a new colt. “TheLibrum?”
She lifts my pack from the ground. “You mean the one in here? This same bag that I found sitting on the bluff, unattended?”
“Oh, no.” I rub my aching temples with sore fingers.
“Youcannotbe this close to him, Kai,” Elyn spits. “He draws strength from you like he pulled life from those sunflowers we passed. Those flowers died, remember? So did this grass, the birds,everything.”
I sink to my knees. “I know—”
“No, youdon’tknow,” she says, the intricate braid Separi made loosening.
“You told me that we should be together—”
“I didn’t mean go out and fuck Miasma.” She throws up her hands, breathing hard.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“Shit, Kai.” She clenches her fists. “Do you understand—”
“Yes,” I whisper, my mind racing. “I love him.”
