Page 41 of The Cruel Dawn
She grunts, tromps into the bathroom, and grabs a vial from the sink counter. “This stuff works wonders.” She uncorks it, and the room fills with the scents of peppermint and eucalyptus. She pours a generous amount into the hot water and says, “I know you’re angry, but we have to figure out what to do about Jadon.”
I’ve tried not to think about Jadon. Because when I do think about Jadon, most of the time, I think about him being such a fucking liar.Wait, you’re not Olivia’s brother? Wait, you’re not a blacksmith by trade? Wait, your surname isn’t Ealdrehrt? Wait, you’re a prince, the eldest son of Syrus Wake? Wait, you’re Miasma and have been slowly killing the people of my realm to help— Wait, Danar Rrivae is actually yourfather?
“Jadon lied to me our entire time together,” I say and then point at her. “Andyouknew that—youwere in on it.”
She says nothing. Just gazes at me with those cool, gold eyes.
“He told me that he loved me, Elyn,” I say. “How can you lie to someone you claim to—?” I stare at the foam building across the bathwater’s surface, then shake my head. “No. I’m misremembering.” I squint at her. “Henevertold me that he loved me. He told me,‘Kai, I choose you.’”
I’d assumed “love” was a part of that declaration. Now, with some distance and air that smells like mint and eucalyptus, my mind can make that distinction.
“Being chosen doesn’t equate to being loved,” Elyn says, scooping up my discarded armor. She carries it out to the bedroom.
I hear the front door opening. Then I hear voices and then the door closing.
Elyn returns to the bathroom and says, “Nimith will have your set cleaned.” She holds up a pair of black breeches and a white tunic. “Fine?”
“Fine. Thank you.” I slip into the bath and slide down until my chin touches the water. My skin doesn’t know what to do—explode or sing, catch fire or embrace the warmth. My mind doesn’t care because my thoughts revolve around Jadon.
Like… The Celebration of Renewal in the Temple of Celestial’s courtyard. It’s tradition for me to bed the next king of Gasho—Prince Idus now—just as I’d “bedded” his father the king andhisfather the king and on and on until the very first Celebration of Renewal… I’d chosen kings in the manner that the people there had requested—which meant that I didn’t have toloveevery man who’d climbed into my ceremonial bed. All it meant was, “This is the man who will tell everybody else what to do.” That was it.
I dunk my head beneath the hot water and think about Jadon’s “I choose you…” His own Celebration of Renewal. He’d bedded me and liked what he’d experienced, and he’d given me a thumbs-up. No special bed and no fancy gifts. He’d fought alongside me and became a temporary companion.
Tears fall from my eyes as I accept this, and though my face is submerged, my tears are heavier than the bathwater.
“Here.”
I resurface, relieved that Elyn can’t distinguish the teardrops running down my face from beads of scented bathwater.
She’s handing me shampoo that smells of cocoa beans.
I rub the hair soap into my scalp, turning my hair—and my memories of Jadon—into a thick lather. I was such a fool, a fool who rushed in, and I told him, “Be the nightstar,” because he’d expressed incredible sadness about his father not loving him. His father, Syrus Wake, was not just any old dad who expected his boy to take over the family business, marry a woman with childbearing hips, and have elevenscore babies. No, Jadon hadtwodaddies—including Danar Rrivae—and each man represented a flavor of evil. And they’d carried him across the realm on the worst family road trip ever, making him poison enough of Vallendor for the people to move from hope to fear as they praised Wake’s name.
Using a loofah, I scrub away the grit and dried blood, scrubbing harder as I remember that Jadon was supposed to weaken the Grand Defender and had been shocked to discover thatIwas the Grand Defender.
“And like an idiot, I told him who I was right after your mother told me who I was,” I say to Elyn, my nostrils flared. “He used me as his weapon. Asyourweapon, but then I snapped out of it.”
“Almost dying can bring about the best clarity,” Elyn says. “You saw the truth.”
Yeah, but I’d already fallen in love with him.
“So, no,” I say to Elyn, catching the towel she tosses for me to dry off. “Jadon Thousand Surnames is a liar and a master manipulator. I’m not talking to him. He can’t be trusted. And sinceyouchose him to chaseme, you can’t be trusted, either.” I point to the door.
She groans and marches to the bathroom’s threshold.
“I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Wait—”
I slam the door on her even though she helped me bathe, even though she had been my best friend up until…
Up until I made my own foolish choices.
…
Agon the Kindness murmurs under his breath and shuffles down to the first bookshelf that I knocked over. There, he directs a Raqiel guard to erect it again. He shuffles back to Elyn and me and asks, “Well?”
“The bath was lovely, Uncle,” I say. “And I appreciate you letting me see my room again, but I haven’t changed my mind. I’m not talking to him.” I go over to the aerie’s single window.
