Page 38 of The Cruel Dawn
Many seasons have passed since then, and now, I turn back to my uncle and say, “You would carry me on your shoulders, and you’d help me build these incredibly elaborate sandcastles. Hmm. Sandcastles that resembled this abbey.”
I wander over to the nearest bookcase—there are no dusty cobwebs on these shelves. I run my fingers along thick and velvety spines. The letters and shapes on a few of these books are written in languages that I don’t know yet—thereareat least 67,000 realms. Most are books with words that Idoknow, in tongues that Idospeak. Books on travel and customs, recipes and incantations. Some tomes bear the lettering of the Renrians with others taken from realms like Threka, Gropool, and the now-destroyed Kynne. Glass jars containing preserved herbs, powders, and rare alchemical ingredients are arranged by size, their contents labeled with tags written with a steady hand. Jimson weed. Oleander. Sanguine hyssop.
Veril would’ve marveled at this collection. I can see him now, lavender eyes wide, gasping at each new shelf, racing around the room, pulling books to read immediately, and remembering the places of books he’d read next. He would’ve been the biggest sensation and deepest well of knowledge at the next Renrian convocation. That old man had been so much kinder to me than this old man—my own blood—is right now.
“This wood?” I say, knocking my knuckles against a bookshelf. “I miss this wood.”
Fierer. Stronger than all the oaks and ironwood of Vallendor.
I look down at my feet. “And this stone? I miss this stone.”
Catherite. A mineral that contains almost every gem in the realms—except one. Becomes as soft or as hard or as magnetic as needed. The thorax of my moth amulet is made of catherite.
“My mind,” I say, “wants to learn more as I simply stand here. Amazing.”
“You’re injured,” the old man marvels.
In many ways.
I laugh. “Thought you’d never notice.”
He closes his eyes, lifts his hands, and whispers words that I can’t hear. Then he nods.
The swelling and soreness of my muscles beneath my armor lessens, and my spine straightens. My calf feels stronger, and so do my hands.
I whisper, “Thank you for yet another gift.”
Was this truly a gift or did he heal me out of duty? Like taking out the trash, you do it not because you love it, but to keep out nasty flies.
At the other end of the room, in the gloom, I see two sentinels, their pale skin illuminating the darkness. I nod toward the guards. “They’ll never leave it, will they?”
“It’s their job to keep watch,” Agon says.
I sit in the closest chair to my uncle. “So what’s our plan to destroy Danar Rrivae? From what Sybel has told me, you needmeto do the actual destroying.”
“To my chagrin.”
“Chagrin?”Smiling, I cock my head and squint at him. “I’m trying my hardest to ignore your digs but…” I place my hands, prayer-style, against my lips. “Please understand. I’m very,verytired. I’ve traveled from the farthest places in the realm to see you. I’ve fought creatures that spit fire, and I’ve brawled with men who reek of death and disease, and I’ve resisted elements that tried to grind me into powder. I’ve eaten fish that tastes like sand, and up until three days or so ago, I hadn’t had a proper bath in ages, and right now, even my fingernails hurt. I’ve done all of this, yet here you are, uttering ‘to mychagrin’?”
I lean toward him. “Even though you’re insulting me, I’m still here. In other words,Agon the Kindness, Uncle Agon, I’ve made an extraordinary effort to reach the Abbey of Mount Devour, and I’m gonna continue to try hard, and I will ignore your rudeness and displeasure andchagrin. After everything I’ve been through, I needyouto also try harder. Okay? Okay.”
I fill my lungs with air, then slowly release that breath until the muscles in my neck and shoulders loosen.
Agon watches me in silence. Then: “Are you done?”
My eyes fill with tears, and I shake my head, not understanding. My stomach churns, and bile burns my insides. Because I thought this was it, that after everything, I’d finally have a place here with my family. “Why are you being so cruel to me?” I whisper. “How have I wronged you? Tell me.”
For a moment, Agon’s eyes soften. “What do you want, Kai?” he asks.
How can he ask me that? After the distance I’ve traveled, after the quests I’ve completed, after learning that there are still quests that I must complete, that all of Vallendor could die… What do Iwant?
I hold his gaze and level my shoulders. “I want many things, but more than anything…I want to see my father—”
“I can’t help you with your father.” Agon’s words are hard.
“Because you don’t know him like that anymore? Or you can’t help me because you don’t want me to be with him?”
“Your father won’t see you.”
