Page 28 of The Cruel Dawn
“Don’t,” he says, holding up his hand. “I’m not criticizing you. I’m pissed at these people who are back to treating you as their donkey. Beyond all the…” He flicks his hand at the gifts and banners and dancers. “That’s how they see you—a beast of burden. You deserve to be revered without condition.”
I grit my teeth and throw up my hands. “That’s not how this works.”
His head falls back, and he runs his hand across his mouth.
The Mera with us move back and pretend to talk among themselves—but they’re listening. Zephar knows this—and he wants this.
“You’ve changed,” he says now.
“I hope so,” I say.
“And I’m…” He sets his hands on the table and worries a date with his knuckles.
I touch his arm. “And you’re…what?”
He places his hand over mine. “And I’m worried that you’ve softened in your resolve to transform this realm. I’m worried that you’ll let them destroy Vallendor—”
“Them.Who are we talking about?”
“Humans. Otherworldly. Dashmala. Gorga. Before you left Gasho, we weren’t waiting for them to fuck everything up. Back then, you decided, and we followed your orders, and it was a wonderful thing.”
I squeeze his arm. “I learned some things while I was away. The strife I caused was not—”
“Strife?”He bends until we’re eye to eye. “We are Destroyers, Kaivara. Fuck being Diminished. We are still warriors and protectors. Swords and strength are the way of the Mera. It’s in our blood to destroy so that renewal may come.”
I don’t speak.
“So you no longer believe in ourwork?” he asks, gaping at me. “Even though we didn’t let this town perish, hundreds still died when you disappeared. Look at it now.” He waves his hand to all the celebration around us. “They’re thriving. Fruit and water andsex.”
I nod. “But many died because of me—”
“And otherslivebecause of—” Zephar points at me. “Yousaved the prince and his company, even with your limited capacity. Even without the complete blessing from the Council.Youbuilt this city back up again, better than it ever was, and it didn’t even require complete destruction.”
“Fear—”
“Yes,” he says, “and it took fear. If that’s what humbled Gasho, then fine. Other towns cry out for a similar renewal—”
“Okay, okay,” I say, squeezing the bridge of my nose.
“No, Beloved,” he says, “it’snotokay. I’ve been unable to fulfill my own duty because I’ve waited for your return.Youare the Lady of the Verdant Realm, the Grand Defender of Vallendor. I can’t carry out my work without your approval. Even as I watched Danar Rrivae use that fool Wake’s army to decimate one town after another as though it was his right, I couldn’t do my job.” He leans closer to me and whispers, “Andyourarmy looked at me as though I was weak—”
“Is that why you’re pissed?” I hiss. “Because you looked weak?”
Shari whines now and nudges my clenched fist.
“Yes,” he hisses back. “I’m Zephar Itikin, Warrior of the Righteous, Prince of Lissome Blades, and I’ve destroyed sixteen fucking realms and you’ve—”
Only destroyed three.That’s what he wants to say, but he stops himself.
“You may have moved on,” he says, softer now, “but I lost Naelah in that campaign at Dismal Fen on Yoffa.”
Naelah Itikin—his sister, my friend. She handled curved blades almost as well as her big brother.
I watch far-off shepherds who now guide their sheep across the renewed pastures. I watch children splash in the marsh while chasing white herons in the long grass. I’ve been away from this place, away from Zephar and from my warriors, for too long. I know they relied on him for counsel and protection in my absence. My stomach cramps as I think about all the trust and goodwill I’ve lost since then.
“Why are we hesitating to help our people?” Zephar asks, softer now.
“Because Danar Rrivae is more of a threat than Gorga or Dashmala or Syrus Wake,” I whisper. “I must cut off the head of the snake. Why can you not understand?”
