Page 47 of Game Changer
Well, how am I supposed to refusethat?
“Uh, sure. Let me change real quick.”
I throw on my usual sweatpants and a sweatshirt, and then we trek across campus to the gym. It’s the beginning of November, and with the sun rising in the distance, the air is growing warmer by the second. “Do you come here every day?”
“Not on the weekends when I work, but during the week I do. It’s a nice way to start my mornings.” She swipes her card at the gym door, and I follow after her. It’s a shame this is my first time going to the gym on campus. Not working out isn’t a bad thing, to each their own, but it makes me feel like shit because I used to live and breathe the weight room when I played football. Then anxiety struck, I went into a depression, and I felt like there wasn’t a way out of it until therapy and medication came along.
Cameron has attempted to help me with a few sessions in the gym whenever he’s home from school, but I never get inspired to keep going. Now I’m just waiting, I guess, for the exercise part of my life to work itself out.
Maya chooses a secluded corner in the back and rolls her mat out. She instructs me to grab one from the set they keep in the gym, so I follow suit and roll mine out beside hers.
I have no idea what I’m doing regarding yoga or even where to begin, but thankfully, Maya starts with something simple. I’m sitting cross-legged across from her when she passes me a pair of headphones. “This is my meditation routine,” she explains. “I’ll let you listen to it today. It’ll tell you when to breathe in and out and all that jazz.”
“So, I don’t have to do any weird poses?”
She giggles, and the sound makes my heart soar. “No, no weird poses. That’s whatI’mdoing. Meditation is mainly to connect with yourself, and I’m not talking about your brain. It’s supposed to build awareness within and bring youawayfrom your thoughts.”
Wouldn’t that be nice?I can’t remember the last time I was just me without racing thoughts. My brain doesn’t shut off. Ever. I’m always thinking five steps ahead, never enjoying the present moment, and worried about anything and everything. Medication helps, but it’s not a cure.
Living in my head can be exhausting.
Maya presses Play on her phone and gives me a thumbs-up. Soon, bells start chiming, and a soft, melodic voice thrums through my ears. I’m instructed to close my eyes, and although I don’t believe this will work, I give it a shot for Maya, because I don’t want to disappoint her. She went out of her way to research this for me, so the least I can do is try.
I follow the woman’s breathing instructions, inhaling deeply through my nose and exhaling. I’m not sure how much time has passed, but eventually, a faint buzzing hums beneath my skin, and an overwhelming sense ofrelaxationhits me out of nowhere. It feels like I’m in the greatest sleep of my life, one I don’t want to ever wake up from. All I can hear are the bells and the gentle humming of the music. My thoughts are nonexistent, and it’s strange. I’m not a crier, but this feeling makes me want to burst into tears.
Could I have felt like this the entire time simply bymeditating?
It’s unfair to myself how much time I’ve wasted letting my anxiety take the forefront. It’s taken up so much of my life, controlled every decision I’ve made, and I feel like by taking a chance on this, I’m standing up to my biggest bully and telling himfuck you.
The music ends, and a glance at Maya’s phone beside me when I open my eyes says I’ve been sitting here for thirty minutes.
“Well?” she asks. “How was it?”
“It was—” My mouth dries out at the sight of her. She’s on her yoga mat with her legs behind her head.Literally.
She smirks when she sees the expression on my face. “The formal term for this particular pose is Dwi Pada Sirsasana.”
“Pada Sirawhat? Is that Spanish?” I’m too distracted even to attempt to repeat what she just said.
“You’re acting surprised.” She hums. “I told you I was flexible.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t. . . . Christ, I didn’t think you meant likethis.”
She unfolds herself from the pretzel-like state before leaning over to grip the bottoms of her feet. “You never answered my question. How was the meditation?”
“Honestly? It was probably the only thing that’s ever truly worked to silence my thoughts. I zoned out. Didn’t even feel like five minutes, let alone thirty.”
A genuine smile appears on her face that nearly knocks me off-kilter. I don’t know why she ghosted me, but the more we continue what we’re doing, the less I care. Her smile says it all, just how much I mean to her. I don’t have to question if this is real. She wouldn’t have googled how to help my anxiety if she wasn’t serious about me.
“I’m glad it worked for you, then. Maybe this can be something we can do together from now on?”
I blow out a breath. “Damn. Things are moving pretty fast for us, huh? Two morning traditions made in the span of a few days?”
“What morning—oh my god. You were serious about that?”
“About having my prebreakfast before breakfast?” I tilt my head to the side, letting her feel the heat of my attention. “Hell, yeah, I was. If I didn’t have plans later, I’d suggest we head back to the dorm and explore that pose you did without clothes on.”
Maya’s growing smile tells me she wishes we could do the same. “And these plans of yours can’t be postponed?”
