Page 19 of Game Changer
“Oh, come on.You?Maya, you’re the biggest daredevil I know. Youlivefor partying, and you mean to tell me you’ve never smoked weed?” Then, so I don’t sound like an ass, I add, “Not that it matters if you don’t want to smoke. I’m not trying to peer pressure you or anything. I can roll the windows down if you want.”
“No, it’s not that I’ve never wanted to, but my parents disapprove of it. I know it’s legal, but with the tiny trailer we live in, they would have smelled it on me in a heartbeat. I didn’t want to take the risk.” She eyes the blunt and asks, “Is it like a cigarette? Because I’ve smoked one of those once but hated the way it made my chest burn.”
“Kind of.” An idea forms in my mind, and I shouldn’t, Ireallyshouldn’t, but it’s too tempting to pass up. “I could shotgun it to you.”
“Huh?”
“Like I’ll pull from the blunt and blow it into your mouth. Less impactful on your lungs that way, so it might make your chest burn less.”
Her pupils dilate at the suggestion.
Fuck me.
“I guess that’d be okay. Just tell me what to do.”
I shift uncomfortably in the seat, willing my dick to settle the fuck down. This shouldn’t be such a turn-on, but it’s not often that I get to teachhersomething. I’m a hermit who would prefer to stay indoors, and she’s the adventurous girl who has way more life experience than me.
But this?
She’s going to learn something new fromme.
“You’re just going to inhale when I get close to your mouth,” I say.
“That’s it?”
Is it just me, or does she sound breathless?
I nod and lean over the console. “Ready?”
“Yeah,” she replies with a dip of her chin. Determination oozes from her, so it gives me all the reassurance I need regarding any doubts I might have when I pull a long drag from the blunt. I hover above her lips and slowly blow the smoke out, watching her mouth part to inhale what I’m giving. Our eyes lock, and my dick hardens without me being able to control it. Maya is a flirt, there’s no doubt about it, and those brown eyes of hers have always been the way into her soul. Lust and desire radiate from them, taunting and teasing me to say fuck her reasons and make a move, but I’ve never been that kind of guy. I’d never make a move when she verbally told me she didn’t want this.
The moment between us evaporates when she throws an elbow over her mouth and erupts into a fit of coughing when she’s finished.So much for it being easier on the lungs.
Panic bubbles in my chest. “Are you okay?”
After a few more coughs she finally comes up for air, her eyes watering and leaking a few tears. “Christ,” she mutters, and then shelaughs. The sound is like music to my ears. “How long before it kicks in?”
I shrug. “It’s your first time, so relatively quickly. Especially since we’re hot boxing.”
“I didn’t realize you still smoked.”
“Not as much as I used to, but some nights are more difficult than others.”
She nods as if she understands. “Did things get better after you told Cameron the truth about everything?”My virginityis what she means, but I get why she’s fearful about saying it aloud when she’s the one who took it from me.
I think about my life now that everything is out in the open, but nothing seems to have changed. Sure, I told Cameron that to help him cope with the loss of his mom I had pretended to be someone I wasn’t when we were in high school, and although that lifted a ton of bricks from my chest, it didn’t improve my life any.
“Things with Cameron are better, but—” I take one last pull from the blunt before I snuff it out. “I don’t know. I think I’ve pretended to be someone I’m not for so long that I’ve forgotten who I am in the process.”
She blows out a harsh breath. “That’s some deep shit, Ethan.”
“It’s the truth. Wearing all those different masks was almost like a crutch. It’s easier to pretend to be someone I’m not than face the reality of who I am.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“Isn’t it? I have no clue what I’m doing with my life, Maya. I took a gap year thinking my life aspiration would come to me, but I’m not like Maddie. I wasn’t born with a passion to help others. The one passion I grew to love I couldn’t hold on to because I was terrified of the pressure that came with it. It seems like everyone I graduated with is off chasing their dreams, but I got left behind. Being here? It’s because it’s what Ishouldbe doing, but there are nights that I sit in this car and wonder why I’m wasting my time.” My biggest fears escape me like word vomit, but there’s no one on the planet who knows me like Maya. The real me. Our ice-cream nights let me be the most vulnerable version of myself, so spilling my guts to her doesn’t make me anxious. If anything, it’s like falling back into an old routine. It’snatural.
“You’re not the only one who feels that way,” she whispers. “I’m trying to make my parents proud because being a cosmetologist isn’t enough. I hate everything about school. All I want to do is travel the world and make people feel beautiful, you know? It’s so simple, and yet it isn’t. My parents need help. They need to be taken care of financially. But I don’t like feeling as if I’m chained to Arizona for eternity because of them.” She sighs. “I’m not trying to discount what you’re saying or make this about me, but you should know you’re not alone in the wholefinding yourselfthing. Without my parents here to watch my every move, I have no idea who I am with all this freedom, or what that means for my future.”
