Page 56 of The Serial Killer's Sister
‘What the fuck.’ The words are weak, shock-filled. Then louder. ‘What the actual fuck!’
Henry’s face is pale in the darkness.
‘What have you done? God, Henry, what did you do?’
Chapter 39
DI Walker’s face is as pale as Henry’s was that night. I wonder if it’s disbelief, shock, or downright revulsion that I’ve kept this from him. Indeed, that I kept this secret for seventeen years.
‘It was a terrible tragedy. It was so dark. Emotions were raging through me. I had this strange super strength – the adrenaline, I guess, and the things Henry said … I lost it, Detective Walker. I hated him in that moment and wanted him dead.’
‘But Kirsty got in the way. It was her who was pushed to her death.’ DI Walker drops to the ground, cross-legged in front of me.
Tears bubble, then fall down my face. ‘I’ve lived with the guilt from that moment on.’
‘Well, that makes it all right then.’ His head is in his hands, like he can’t stand to look at me now he knows what I did.
‘No. Nothing will ever make it okay. But I’ve tried,since, to do good. Live a life my friend would be proud of.’
His head snaps back up. ‘I imagine Kirsty would rather have lived her own bloody life, don’t you?’
I let his question hang between us. Nothing I can say now will make this better. Justify it in any way. What’s done is done. I can’t take it back however much I beg the universe, and I did that a lot in the early days after that night.
‘Where is Henry?’ I say, as a way to change the subject, but also because I’m guessing he must be somewhere close, watching this unfold. I get up, swivel around, checking the treeline for movement. ‘This is what he wanted to expose; it’s why he wanted you here – so the police would know what I’d done. So I couldn’t wriggle out of it, blame everything on him.’
‘Like I assume you tried to do that night? Like you’d continue to do, if you had the chance. You’re a piece of work, Anna.’
I stare at him. ‘What? Itwashis fault. To begin with at least – he was the reason we were here that night.’
‘And he’s the reason you’re here now,’ DI Walker says. ‘He got what he wanted, I suppose. You’ve finally told the truth.’
‘Now what, then?’ I look into his eyes, wondering what he’s thinking. Is he going to arrest me now? Right here? He’s not moving, he’s not calling anyone. Maybe he’s weighing it up. It’s not me who’s been murdering women for the past three years, I suppose. It’s Henry he wanted help catching, not me. If I’m careful, I might be in with a chance of being let off. If I help him catch Henry still, will that buy me my own freedom? All the possibilities scroll through my mind like scenes in a movie. And allmovies end with the bad guy being served justice, don’t they? Am I the bad guy?
‘I’m not a bad person, detective. It was an accident and I freaked out. Henry too. We made a promise to each other that we’d tell no one. What was the point?’
‘The point? Are you serious?’ His voice is suddenly so loud it rings in my ears, and I cower. I should’ve expected his anger – I’m sure it’s been building, not only the past few days, but during this entire case. He’s told me he doesn’t want to have to inform any more family members about the death of their loved one. And now, what I’ve told him means he will have to.
He paces around the well, his hand rubbing his chin. ‘Who were you to make that call? Eh?’
‘I … Well … Her parents … they gave her up,’ I stutter, feeling under fire, but then I recover. ‘And yes, she had a brother who loved her, and it killed me to know he was going to suffer not ever knowing what happened to her.’
‘Not enough, though, clearly. And it didn’tkillyou, did it. That’s a dumb thing to say.’
I cast a wary glance around me. ‘I think it’s going to.’
DI Walker sighs, then bites on his lower lip. He takes the few steps to the well and leans over. ‘So she’s down there.’
‘Yes, DI Walker, she is.’ I hold back the tears because I have a feeling that’ll irritate the detective further. ‘You might want to make that call for backup now. Get forensics and what-have-you on-scene. I’m not sure that Henry’s going to show his face. He’s probably been hiding in the trees all this time and knows it’s game over for me. He’s got what he was after.’
‘Do you think?’
I’m surprised to see such sadness in DI Walker’s expression. I suppose this isn’t the ending he was hoping for. I hold my hands out towards him, my wrists together, but even as I stand with my past mistakes laid out, my vulnerabilities on show, I know it’s not everything. There’ll be more humiliation to follow.
‘Here you go,’ I shake my outstretched arms at him. ‘I get to go to prison, and Henry gets away with everything. Perfect.’
‘Not yet it’s not,’ DI Walker says. I narrow my eyes at him, unsure what he means. I feel a surge of hope that he doesn’t want to cuff me. That he thinks I’ve suffered enough. That he’ll let me go.
‘Sit down, Anna.’ He pushes my hands down. ‘I’m not cuffing you.’
