Page 36 of The Serial Killer's Sister
‘Stop!’ Ross smacks his hand down on top of the photos. ‘Yes. Yes. I know.’
‘What do you know?’
‘I know what comes next. I’ve done a terrible thing, Anna. I’m so, so sorry.’ He drops his head, then puts his hands to his face, covering it so I can’t see his expression.
‘Well, that makes it all right then. Howcouldyou, Ross?’
I hear small sobbing sounds. ‘I’m sorry,’ he says again, the words losing clarity in his cupped palms. Why, when I’m the one who’s been hurt, do I have the urge to put my arms aroundhim, comforthim? But, even with the devastating realisation I’ve been cheated on, the love we have, or had, for each other is the over-riding emotion, and it’s one I’ve always treasured. I need it, like I need air to breathe.
‘Why?’ My voice sounds strangled. ‘Why have you done this to me?’
He removes his hands from his face and takes my hands in them. They’re trembling. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and I know I’m not going to like what’s coming.
‘I tried so hard, Anna. But as long as I can remember I assumed I’d have kids.’
I withdraw my hands like he’s given me an electric shock. Not this again.
‘You agreed,’ I say, my mouth twisted. ‘We both made the decision,together, not to have children. You can’t push this onto me now, that’s not fair. You can’t make it the reason you cheated, Ross.’
‘I thought I could change what I wanted and be happy as a family of two, but after a few months I realised how deeply unhappy I was.’
‘So you should’ve talked to me. Shared this with me. Not found solace in another woman’s arms, Ross. That’s not how marriages work.’
‘I know, babe.’
I wince at his word choice. ‘So now what?’
‘I don’t know. I do love you, Anna. Always have, alwayswill. But I need more. I should’ve left when I knew we wanted different things, but I couldn’t bring myself to make that break.’
‘If these photos hadn’t surfaced now, then – when would you have told me? Or were you going to just carry on your sordid affair behind my back? Have your fucking cake and eat it?’
‘It’s not sordid.’
‘Oh, I’m sorry. I thought a married man sneaking around, screwing another woman would be classed as dishonourable. I’m pretty sure if the roles were reversed—’
‘Yes, okay. You’re right. I’m an awful person. A liar, a cheat. I’ve been unfaithful and I hate myself for it.’
‘Yet you continued.’ I’m aware my tone is harsh; I sound nasty. But what does he expect? Forgiveness? For me to give him an easy time and give my blessing? ‘How long has it been going on?’
He drops his head again and I put my hands on his face, lifting it up, forcing him to look me in the eye.
‘Six months,’ he whispers. ‘I was trying to find the right time …’
‘Must’ve been so difficult for you,’ I say, sarcasm mixing with vitriol in my voice. ‘There was me thinking things couldn’t get any worse.’ The tears which were threatening begin to run freely down my face. Ross looks away as I press my fingertips to them.
‘I knew time was running out, that I’d have to tell you soon. Then your serial killer brother forced the issue.’
‘Ha. Even a psychopath was looking out for me, it seems. I knew when you looked at that riddle that you were worried.’
‘When you went out for the walk I snuck out too andwent to the café to try to intercept whatever was there, but there was nothing. He must’ve been watching the place to make sure it would be you, not me, that found the photos.’
‘But how did you know where to go? What was the significance of the riddle to you?’
‘The fact it was about lying and cheating was enough to make me think it was about me, but then the last line about the dogs, well, it had to point to the café. And that bench—’ he points to one of the photos, ‘—there’s a dedication to Yasmin’s family on it.’
I reel. My God, Henry excelled himself with this riddle. I knew the name Walcott was familiar. My nails dig into my palms as questions swamp my mind, then spill out of my mouth.
‘Was it where you first had sex with her? Or declared your undying love? Made plans? Discussed the names of your future children?’
