Page 75 of Formula Freedom
I sit forward, elbow on my knee. “Lara…”
She cuts me off. “I know. I could be in Suzuka right now. With you. And instead, I’m waiting around for a conversation that may not even happen.” Her voice softens just a little. “I’m giving him another day. Maybe two. After that, I’m done waiting.”
I nod, even though she can’t see it. “Okay. That’s fair.” I push down the ache that rises in my chest. “I hate that you’re not here.”
“I know,” she says.
“I’m not mad,” I add, because I’m not—not really. Just frustrated. Disappointed. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too. How has your day been?”
Nice the way she deflects, and I can’t help but smile. “Track walk was this morning. Suzuka’s still as brutal and beautiful as ever. Been doing mostly setup review with Tariq and Felix. Did some sponsor press too—Carlos kept things light. He may or may not have challenged me to a ramen-eating contest.”
That earns a soft laugh from her. “Please tell me someone filmed that.”
“No cameras, thank God. I would’ve never lived it down.”
She goes quiet again for a beat, then says, “You’ll do great this weekend. I know you will.”
“I’ll try not to crash spectacularly,” I quip.
“Please don’t,” she exclaims. “It’s nerve-racking enough just watching you. I can’t handle that on top of everything else.”
I lean my head back against the cushion and close my eyes. “You know when I said a few minutes ago that I hate that you’re not here?”
“Yeah,” she murmurs.
“That’s not exactly true. What I really hate is me not being there with you. I should be by your side when you do this and for the first time, I resent my career.”
“Oh no.” She exhales sympathetically. “No, please don’t think that. You are where you’re supposed to be and for now, I’m where I’m supposed to be. I really want this to be over and done, Reid, so I can look forward and stop looking back. I can do this on my own.”
“I know,” I say, truly getting where she’s coming from. “Promise you’ll be careful with him.”
“I’ll be fine,” she says gently. “I promise.”
It’s not the same as having her here. But for now, it’s all I get. And I’ll take it.
CHAPTER 25
Lara
Thursday morning dawnedand I felt suffocated, so I went for a run. I’ve just come back from a route along the cliffside path, my lungs tight and my thoughts tangled. The sea air didn’t help as much as I had hoped and I’m missing Reid like I’ve never missed anything before.
I pull out my earbuds and find the house quiet when I step inside. My dad’s already at work and Mum’s at the market picking up ingredients for dinner. I checked with Graham and Leanne again this morning before I left for my run—still no sign of Lance. They promised to call the moment he turned up, but at this point, I’m starting to think my desire to get this all handled is going to be a bust.
I grab a tall glass, fill it to the brim with ice and water, and drink it in long, greedy gulps. My mind isn’t preoccupied with Lance’s failure to show so much as Reid being in Suzuka by himself. He’s giving me space and respect for my decision to handle this, but I also know he’s hurt by it.
For that, I can’t blame him. I’d promised I would go to Suzuka. Instead, I flew back to my ex. He has the right to be hurt I’m not there.
I think what breaks my heart even more is knowing that he’s in distress because he’s not here with me. He’s being protective, which I appreciate, but he absolutely cannot afford to be distracted. In his line of work, one slipup could mean serious injury or death.
The few days away from our cocoon we’d been living in is making it seem like we’re drifting—not emotionally, not really—just paused.
A surge of anger hits me, because Lance doesn’t have the decency to come meet me to talk about things. I’ve texted him and so have his parents. He’s not responded to any of us.
But I don’t have to stay here if I don’t want to.
Why should I when he can’t even be bothered?
