Page 38 of Formula Freedom
“You good?” he asks.
“Yeah,” I say, then reconsider a more truthful answer. “I think so.”
Carlos’s head snaps my way, eyebrows lifted. “You think so? Hermano, the race is in less than…” He checks his watch. “Six hours.”
I fidget with the zipper on my Matterhorn jacket. “I slept with Lara last night.”
His brows lift, but he doesn’t look surprised. “Bold move. You having morning-after regrets?”
I blow out a breath, running a hand through my hair. “No, not at all. It felt right.”
Carlos takes a sip of his water. “But something’s messing with your head. What is it?”
I glance around to make sure no one’s too close. “The timing. Her being fresh out of it with Lance. The fact that we’ve got all this family shit hanging over us and we’re keeping it secret like it’s something dirty when it’s not.”
Carlos nods, patient. “You think she regrets it?”
“No,” I say instantly. “At least I don’t think so. But… I don’t know what she wants beyond this moment. And I’m not sure I should be asking her to figure that out right now.”
“Because of Lance.”
“Because of everything,” I say, frustrated. “She’s trying to find her footing again. And I’m standing here with a full calendar, a rising career, cameras starting to follow my every move… What if the timing isn’t right? Or what if she thinks this is just a distraction for me?”
“Is it?”
I look him square in the eyes. “No. Not even close. She’s always been more than that.”
Carlos leans forward, resting his hands on his knees. “Then tell her.”
“It’s not that simple. You know the history.”
“I know you two are lifelong friends, just like she was with Lance. Were you ever more than friends?”
I suppose he needs the full picture. “I kissed her once when we were fifteen—Lance made a scene about it, said it was gross, like kissing your sister. That shut it all down. But a few years ago, after she graduated uni, we had one night. It could have been the start of something, but I backed off.”
“Why?”
“Because I was just transitioning from rally into open-wheel and I knew I couldn’t give her what she deserved. Not then. I chose racing over her.”
Carlos studies me. “And then she ended up with Lance.”
“Yeah. And I didn’t say a word. Figured maybe she was better off. At least he was stable. Settled. I buried it. All of it.”
He gives me a dry smile. “You ever think she picked him because you weren’t an option?”
That hits harder than I expected. “Yeah. I think about it all the time, especially now that I know he abused her. Did I drive her to that?”
“No, you didn’t. She’s an adult and made her own decisions.” Carlos rubs a hand over his jaw. “So now she’s here. Free. And you’re still asking if it’s the right time?”
“I’m asking if it’s fair. She’s still untangling herself from years of shit. And I’m dragging her into something that could blow up our whole lives. Our families are so interwoven, it complicates the shit out of things. I’m sure everyone can get past what Lance did to her. I mean, it won’t be the same… but I know my parents will forgive him. I know at some point, Lara will too, and while future family get-togethers will probably never happen, everyone will pick up the pieces and move on.”
“But if you’re with Lara…” Carlos leaves the thought dangling, ready for me to fill in my worst worry.
“Then I don’t see how our families will cope. Just imagine a big dinner at my parents’ house and I bring Lara. Lance probably wouldn’t even come, or if he did, it would be like shoving it in his face.”
“Do you care about that?”
“Fuck no,” I growl. “I’d like to shove my fist in his face. While my parents and Lara will forgive him and move on, I won’t. So, where does that leave our families? It would blow everything up if we’re together.”
