Page 83 of Puck My Stepbrother
I could’ve called Quinn on his bullshit, but I kept my thoughts to myself. I didn’t know why, though. Before, I would’ve gladly told him the truth, even if he didn’t like it. I would’ve reminded him that not only was I a better lover than Jeff would ever be, but at least he could depend on me. I’d never leave him hanging like this.
“You know, I haven’t exactly had it easy, either,” I said.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. We lost in the playoffs. We won’t even have a real shot at the National Championship like last year. Worse, I don’t know what my future’s gonna look like now.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Didn’t I tell you? I might not be back with the team next year.”
His eyes widened with genuine shock.
“Wait, seriously?”
“That’s right. I knew I was on thin ice—please don’t point out the pun to me. I know. If I couldn’t pick up my play and we got knocked out of the playoffs because of it, Coach said I’d be off the team. I would’ve thought Coach Hardison would’ve let me know one way or another after our season ended, but he’s just leaving me in limbo.”
“But you’d never give up hockey. I know that for sure.”
“Who said anything about giving up hockey? Of course I want to stick with it. Problem is, the Larkin Lions were supposed to be my ticket to the NHL. Now, it’s looking like I might not even be able to stay on a college hockey team.”
“But what about your scholarship?”
I shrugged. I couldn’t come right out and say that I could kiss my scholarship goodbye if Hardison pulled the plug on me. Then I’d have to admit that my real problem stemmed from Quinn himself. I still couldn’t take my mind off the guy. He was the first thing I thought about in the morning and the last thing I thought of before falling asleep.
My need for him had only intensified the closer he’d become with Jeff. Now that I knew they were having some kind of problem, I had to keep my fingers crossed.
But Quinn was stubborn. Even without Jeff in the picture, he’d put up walls and try to shut me out. If anything, I’d need to stay as strong and tough as ever.
“I don’t know what’ll happen with my scholarship,” I said. “I’ll have to figure that out.”
That was bullshit. Things didn’t just figure themselves out. I could sneak into the NHL undrafted, sure, but I saw only a slim chance of that happening. Besides, I’d always been taught to take the bull by the horns and make my own luck.
And I wouldn’t abandon that philosophy now.
I couldn’t have Quinn knowing that my longing for him had caused all of this. I’d win him over with a show of strength and my ability to control my own destiny.
“It’s not the worst thing in the world,” I said. “Some things are bigger than hockey, right?”
“Not for you.”
“Yes, even for me, Quinn. I’m not a machine, you know.”
“That’s not what you said about yourself after the first time we…”
He sounded like he didn’t want to remember anything that’d happened between us. If anything, he wanted to strike it from his personal history, though the memory obviously kept creeping back into his mind. He couldn’t forget those events any more than I could. He’d certainly deny his feelings, even if I was more than happy to acknowledge them.
“Look,” I said, “I’m going to tell you something, and I want you to listen. Jeff is no good for you. I knew it from the first time I saw him at Spot Coffee. Now I’m seeing that I was totally right about him.”
“You weren’t right about him. He’s coming to the wedding. There’s probably a good reason he’s so late.”
I wanted to contradict my stepbrother and tell him how things really were, but I struggled to reserve myself. I wondered what it would take to drive the point home.
“You keep telling yourself that,” I said, “but ultimately you’re going to let yourself down.”
“How the hell do you know?”
“Because I’ve pulled the same shit on people before.”
