Page 54 of Puck My Stepbrother
“So what do you want me to do about it?” I asked.
“I dunno. Far be it from me to tell anyone not to grab all the pussy he can get.”
I laughed at that, partly because hockey players always found those kinds of jokes funny, but mostly because I wasn’t after pussy at all.
My teammate still hadn’t gotten the point, but I didn’t feel ready to share the truth. Like I said, the guys could handle a gay teammate, even if I didn’t use that label. Problem was, I didn’t know if they wanted another one. Like, Erik De Ruiter and Kayden Preston had brought a lot of attention to the Larkin Lions unintentionally. Plus, they’d only come outafterbringing a national title to Buffalo. Did the Lions want lightning to strike twice before we brought home a second championship?
Also, Ryan Detenbeck was a goalie, not a shrink. I could tell him I’d never been in love before, but he wouldn’t understand that. Maybe he could understand coming close with someone and not sealing the deal—but did I want to admit that to him?
“Whoever this girl is,” Detenbeck said, “she’s a dime a dozen. You can replace her.”
“Like replacing the air filter in your car?”
“I wouldn’t go that far, Levi, but you get my point.”
“How do you replace a person, especially when you’ve…”
When I’ve what? Fallen uncontrollably in love? Yeah, that was normal talk around the Lions locker room.
My teammate shrugged like I’d been blathering on. Fuck him. He couldn’t speak my language anyway. Ryan Detenbeck had only lived in a world of easy pussy that came and went.I’d been a citizen of that world too, but my life was more complicated.
I liked girls, but now I wanted Quinn and only Quinn. He’d played hard to get, which I didn’t mind because part of me liked the challenge. This conversation with the Larkin Lions goalie had taught me that anything worth having was always hard to get.
“You’re not gonna go telling the guys I’ve gone soft, are you?” I asked.
“No.”
“You’re a good teammate, and a good friend, too.”
“I don’t need to tell them because they’re seen more than enough evidence for themselves.”
I punched his arm and he pretended like it didn’t hurt, but pressed his hand to the sore spot anyway.
Wimp.
We slung our hockey bags over our shoulders and headed out of the locker room. Still, I knew I wasn’t out of the woods with Ryan Detenbeck.
“So what are you going to do?” he asked.
“I’m going to scale the mountain.”
He paused, half-smiling, like he only vaguely understood my meaning, but it excited him anyway.
“I didn’t finish the job,” I said. “That’s the real problem. And it’s a mistake I won’t repeat.”
When we parted ways, I felt relieved to get the heck away from him. Bad enough I’d slipped into a funk. I didn’t need anyone pointing it out. And I sure didn’t need him suggesting that I could cost the Larkin Lions the championship.
I understood now that I’d allowed Quinn to get away after he’d come right to me. Instead of staying in charge, I’d allowed him to play with my head—and my heart. Now that I understood my own feelings, I had to act. No more playing around.
Time to retake control.
21
QUINN
Iskipped school for two days in a row. I’d all but banned myself from my phone because I knew I’d find texts from Jeff. You know, the ones I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) answer. I couldn’t reply because of the constant conflict in my heart and soul. A decision I never should have had to make loomed on the horizon, and I volleyed back and forth between going for it and staying put.
Of course, staying put would’ve been the safest move. The part of me that’d enjoyed a taste of what could be made me consider my options. I could choose Levi, but I understood the risks.
