Page 42 of Puck My Stepbrother
He paused like he wanted to point to himself and make one hundred percent sure I really was talking about him. That he didn’t argue meant everything. That implied he believed what I’d told him, as he should have—it was the truth, after all.
“So yeah,” I said. “I would see you sitting there, and I couldn’t help but notice how good-looking you were.”
“Give me a break. I’ve never felt good-looking a day in my life.”
“I don’t care.I’vealways thought you were the hottest thing going on. It didn’t matter that you didn’t think so yourself. And I didn’t give a fuck what anyone else said.”
Now Quinn drew a deep breath and considered what I’d told him. Maybe I wasn’t some pig-headed jock on a mission to jump into his pants to satisfy my primal lust.
“Okay, so you were in love with me,” he said. “And you?—”
“Whoa, whoa, hold on now. Let’s not get big-headed. I said I’ddiscoveredyou. I didn’t say anything about love.”
His head hung a little, like that disappointed him.
“I discovered you,” I said, “and realized I liked you the same way I liked some of the girls in school.”
“But you just couldn’t handle it? It drove you nuts?”
“I wouldn’t go that far.”
“Well,Iwould. You stuffed me in a locker, for Christ’s sake.”
“Oh, Quinn, are we still on that?”
“The teachers couldn’t get the door open one time. They actually had to get the maintenance guy to come down with his toolkit and remove the door.”
I knew better than to challenge him on that. He could live in the past if he wanted to; I only cared about today.
“That stuff’s not the point, Quinn. Besides, you’re the one who wanted answers from me, and now I’m giving them to you. Do you want to hear them or not?”
“I want to hear them.”
“So yeah, I noticed you, your ginger hair and face that I found irresistible. But that couldn’t be right. I didn’t reallylikeyou. I liked girls and only girls. Whatever I felt that first time…I thought it would go away.”
“But it didn’t.”
“Exactly. It didn’t. I noticed you once, sure, but then I noticed you a second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth time. And then I lost count altogether. I gave up on the idea that nothing was there, and the idea that my feelings would disappear.
“By high school, the feeling grew stronger. That’s when it became a problem. My attraction ballooned, becoming enormous, and I couldn’t stop it. That was harder for me. Guys I knew were starting to have girlfriends. Real girlfriends, I mean, not that elementary school bullshit. I had plenty of those, but I still noticed you. I still wanted you and wondered what could be.”
“And in all that time, didn’t you think of telling me this, instead of kicking my ass and making me wish I was never born?”
“You know I couldn’t have done that. It would’ve been a disaster. And hey, why didn’t you tellmeyou were crushing on me like crazy?”
Quinn quarter-turned like he was going to deny ever having feelings for me. I knew better, though.
“Look, if you want answers, there they are,” I said. “I didn’t do it because I hated you. It was because…”
“Because you actually liked me.”
“Right. That’s what I’ve been trying to say.”
“Yeah, well, that really doesn’t help me at all, does it? Like, I went through a lot of shit because of you. Would an apology be so hard?”
“Do I really need to do that? The past is the past, bro.”
“It obviously isn’t, though. You’re still living in it as much as I am.”
