Page 42 of The Now in Forever
I leap forward. “Oh my God. Come in, come in.”
Water is running down her face, but as I get closer, I see it’s not just rain but tears.
“Anh, what happened?”
She comes inside and sniffles. “Melissa left me. We called off the engagement.”
“Oh, no.”
Anh and Melissa have been together for six years. Engaged for three of them. Just this year, they actually set a date for this October and started planning the wedding. How did this happen?
She takes the glass of wine in my hand and downs the rest in one go. “Is there more of that?”
I point to the blanket. Anh lets her wet coat fall to the floor and takes my glass to the living room.
After shaking the coat out a little, I hang it up. My mind is spinning in a million different directions.
Ed says, “I’m going to head upstairs and give you ladies some privacy.”
I nod but don’t say anything.
He puts a light hand on my shoulder, and I look into his eyes. “Can we talk about this later? I’d like to… Well, I can explain.”
My stupid heart leaps, like a prima ballerina on opening night. But my more practical senses tamp it down. What can he possibly say?
“Can we talk tomorrow?”
I shrug. “Okay.”
Grabbing another glass from the kitchen and another bottle of wine, I join Anh on the blanket.
She’s completely still, staring into the fire. I nudge her foot with mine. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Her whole body slumps on an exhale. “No. Never. But also, yes.”
Fresh tears start to fall.
“We don’t have to if you’re not ready. We can just sit, warm up, drink wine.”
“She met someone else. In a CrossFit class. They do Cross-fucking-Fit together. Isn’t that stupid? Of all the places to meet someone? They’re happy hot lesbians doing CrossFit together. They probably go to the farmers’ market and make smoothies. They’ll probably get a stupid dog and name it Burpee. Melissa has always wanted a dog. I should’ve let her get one.”
I put a hand on Anh’s knee. “Honey, you’re allergic. That’s not your fault.”
“I could’ve taken Allegra.” Anh sniffles. “She moved her stuff out last week.”
“Last week? Why didn’t you tell us?”
Anh’s shoulders slump, and she closes her eyes. “I called. I was going to. But I didn’t want it to be real. If I told you and Robin, then it was really happening, you know? I was hoping she’d come back, change her mind.”
We talk into the night, and Anh drinks quite a bit more wine. I try to be present, to be there for her, but my mind keeps wandering back to Ed.
Around one in the morning, the power comes back on. I help her up the stairs and put her into bed. There’s a light streaming from under Ed’s door, but maybe it came on when he was already asleep. I put my ear to the door to listen but can’t hear anything.
I crawl into bed but lie awake. If Anh hadn’t interrupted, would we have kissed? I frown at the ceiling. It’s a bad idea. We shouldn’t have slept together a decade ago, and we shouldn’t now either. Ed became this impossible dream that I measured every other man I was ever with against. My heart has belonged to a ghost, a phantom, myentire adult life. And now he’s here, licking his lips in front of roaring fires. But there’s nothing he could possibly say to make this right. It’s time to let it go, let my fantasy of him go.
In the morning,I wake up extra early.Wake upis a stretch. Mostly I give up trying to sleep. The wind has died down, and outside looks peaceful. The ocean is a calm expanse of blue. I throw on my running stuff and check on Anh. She’s still sleeping, her arm flung over her face.
I sneak out the door and run in the gray morning light. When I get back to the house, Ed is making coffee in the kitchen, sweaty in his running gear. Did he go for a run too? How did I miss him? Did he take another route? Is he trying to avoid me?
