Page 95 of The Now in Forever
I shake my head. “Not yet. Is that okay?”
“I’ve got all the time in the world.”
It’s an outright lie but a nice sentiment.
He pulls the car back onto the road, turning on the radio. We listen to old time hits the rest of the way to the hospital, until he drops me off at the front and goes to find a spot in visitor parking. I promise to find him in the waiting room, and then I run in and approach the welcome desk.
“Hello. My grandmother is here. Lilian Foster.”
The nurse directs me to where I can find her. I get in the crowded elevator, which smells human compared to the antiseptic lobby. Floralperfumes and musty sweaters. I almost wish I could stay a little longer. The chemical smell of the rest of the hospital stings my nose. The third-floor dings, and I step out, looking for room ten.
The cloudy day is casting a blue-gray light through the window and onto my grandmother’s face, leaned back on pillows.When Harry Met Sallyis playing softly on the television, and the remote is nestled securely in my grandmother’s sleeping hand. I sit in the chair next to her bed and breathe a small sigh of relief. I made it. I’m here.
Billy Crystal is running down the New York City street while Meg Ryan looks bored at a party. I love this movie. I lean back, ready to watch Billy’s big speech.
“Hattie Bear.”
“Grandma. You’re awake.”
“You didn’t have to come all this way.”
I grab her hand, placing a soft kiss on her thin skin. “Yes, I did. How are you doing?”
Grandma tries to adjust her position slightly, pillows under her knees, but winces and lies back again. “I’ve been better. Take it from me, never break a hip.”
I smile. “I’ll try not to. What happened?”
Grandma sighs. “Those barn swallows were nesting in the barn, and it was spooking the chickens. There weren’t any babies in there yet. So, I got out the ladder?—”
“Grandma. Wasn’t Chris available next door?”
“They were on vacation, and the nest had just started. I wanted to get it before it became a real home. Anyway, I fell off and landed on my hip.”
The doctor comes in, her black hair tied back in a tight bun and her bright-teal glasses perched on her nose. She explains the surgery is scheduled for this afternoon, in just a couple hours. I get out my journal and take notes about the aftercare procedures, even though the doctor assures me I’ll get printed-out instructions. It all seems straightforward. There will be an eight-to-ten-week recovery period, but the full rehab will be closer to a year. My mind is spinning in circles.
“Sorry, could you repeat that last part?”
The doctor puts a hand on my shoulder. “It’s going to be okay. Your grandmother is a strong woman. But she needs to stay off the ladders.”
Grandma laughs. “I hear you. I hear you.”
The doctor leaves. Maybe the job in New Haven is still open. A quick Google search later, I find the position still posted on their website. I can work at the middle school and move in with Grandma to take care of her. My notes feel heavy in my hands. My fingers go cold. It all falls to the floor, and tears well up in the corner of my eyes.
“Hattie Bear. What is it?”
I screw on anall is right with the worldsmile that I definitely don’t feel. “I’m fine. I’m just going to find some food.” I’m about to ask if I can get her anything, when I remember she can’t eat until after the surgery in the morning.
I pick up my things, shove them in my bag, and head to the cafeteria, not ready to face Ed again. The floors squeak under my pink Birkenstocks. What am I going to do? Obviously, I’ll move in with my grandma to take care of her.
In the cafeteria, I wander the cases of thick juice bottles and prepackaged sandwiches, looking for something that might be appetizing. A yellow container catches my eye as my heart catches in my throat. A Lunchable.
Unable to hold it in any longer, tears flow in a steady stream down my cheeks. I leave the cafeteria and find the doors to a little courtyard setup with tables for people to eat at. Taking a seat at the farthest one, I wipe the tears that keep falling.
The most infuriatingly stupid thing is, no matter what I do, what I choose, I don’t see a way for Ed and me to be together.
I should go find him. I think of all our talks on our runs, sitting in front of the fire, or outside of that glass-blowing place that feels so long ago now. He might know what to do or what to say. He might have an idea I haven’t thought of or make me laugh.
I search the lobby with no luck. I go back to the cafeteria, thinking maybe I missed him. Nope. I head out the front doors, looking at the benches sitting in front of the hospital, but he’s not there either.
