Page 94 of The Now in Forever
“They’ll keep.”
“What about your car?” I look around for it in the lot but don’t see it.
“Wouldn’t start. I took a Lyft.”
Tears are still streaming down my face.
“Hattie. You’re in no state to drive. Hand me the keys.”
I hand them over and get in the passenger seat. “She’s at New Haven General.”
It’s a five-hour drive. Ed doesn’t try to talk, which I appreciate. My mind is mush, and my nerves are frayed. Cranking up my audiobook, I try to lose myself in the story, as the yellow line swooshes by, miles and miles to go.
Panic washes over me in a wave. It starts slow and then crashes, pulling me under with it. My breathing turns ragged.
“Are you okay?”
I can’t even answer, and Ed takes the next exit. He parks at a Shell station as I heave out breath after breath, feeling like I might not be able to take another. Like my heart might stop.
“What can I do?”
I can’t do anything but breathe.
“Are you having a panic attack?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“Okay. Where are you?”
“What?”
“Where are you? Just trust me. This helps.”
I look into his warm eyes. “In the car.”
“What can you feel?”
“The seat heater is warm on my back, but the rest of the leather is cool on the back of my thighs.”
“What can you see?”
I gaze out the windshield. “A girl is walking out of the gas station in white shorts and a pink tank top, sipping on a bucket of soda.”
“What can you hear?”
I close my eyes. My heart rate slows. My breathing feels steady. “The whoosh of cars on the highway.”
“What can you smell?”
I inhale deeply his clove and orange scent, locking eyes with him again. “You.”
The air between us feels thick and charged like right before a thunderstorm.
“Are you feeling better?”
“Yeah.” It’s not the first time I’ve had a panic attack. But it’s the first in a long time. This week has just been too much.
“Do you want to talk about us?”
