Page 93 of The Now in Forever
The shock and hurt on Ed’s face is exactly why I said it, but now that I’m seeing it, I instantly regret my words. “I didn’t kiss him back. I turned him down because I have stupid feelings for you. And the bookstore.”
“Are you really going to buy the bookstore?”
“No, I’m not. I can’t. I wanted to talk to you about it though, about us—our future. But it’s clear that something else will always come first.”
I walk away, my light-blue skirt billowing behind me, expecting Ed to come after me or call out my name, but he just lets me go.
CHAPTER 25
SUNDAY, AUGUST 17TH
The sound is turned up on my phone. Text notifications too. I even turned on social media alerts. That’s how crazy I’ve become. So that I won’t miss a message from Ed. But it has been radio silence.
This morning, I have a tiny hangover, but I’m pretty sure it’s more emotional than alcohol related. Could be both, though.
Ten years, three separate times, he’s entered my world, the best sex of my entire life, and now he’s just gone. Like a tornado moving on to the next town. Or maybe I’m just being crazy.
I came to the hotel last night, crawled into bed with a glass of wine and a chocolate bar, both of which I purchased on my long, long walk here. My feet are killing me today; my silver sandals aren’t really the best walk-clear-across-town shoes. It’s days like this I wish I could sleep in. The world might look a lot friendlier after a couple more hours of sleep.
Childishly, I used the kiss with Kyle like a weapon. I shouldn’t have told Ed about it like that. I should’ve told him sooner and been gentler. I knew that it might hurt him, and so I did. I wanted him to feel something, anything, for me. Honestly, I wanted him to fight for me. For us. For what could be. But he let me walk away.
The plastic crinkles in my hand as I unwrap the cup on the dresser and try to figure out the little coffee machine, my audiobook playing on the Bluetooth speaker I packed. I’ll be fine. I can accept the job at that private school and move to Portland. There’s lots of fun things to do here. I’ll meet some nice people. I have my book—which, last night when I got back to the hotel, I sent to the agent I met at the Pittock Mansion. After my second paper cup of wine, I sent her the version where June chooses the real, live, emotionally available man. Why wouldn’t she? She wants a future with someone, a family and a stable relationship. How can she have that with someone who keeps jumping back into a book?
A shrill ring comes through the Bluetooth speaker, and my heart jumps into my throat.Shit.It’s Ed. It has to be. Who else would call me? I walk over to my phone and take a deep breath. When I reach for the phone, I see it’s not Ed. It’s my mom.
My mom never calls me. I always have to call her first. She says she doesn’t want to get my voicemail or bother me, but I think it’s really because she’s so busy.
“Hey, Mom.” I put her on speaker and continue fiddling with the coffeemaker, placing the mini filter in the top, pouring the packet of grounds, and placing the cup underneath.
She sniffles and swallows before speaking. Maybe she has a cold. I grab the freshly poured coffee, holding the warm cup in my hand. “Mom, are you okay?”
“Baby…”
My stomach muscles clench as if preparing for a blow. Mom never calls me baby—not since I was seven and told her resolutely that I was not a baby anymore.
“It’s your grandma, sweetie.”
The cup slips from my hand, hitting the brown carpet and spilling into a steaming puddle at my feet.
I’m packedbefore I’m even off the phone with my mom. Wheeling my case through the lobby, I freeze in my tracks as the man at the counter turns.
It’s Ed.
“Hattie.”
I keep walking out the door, heading to my car.
“Hattie, wait.”
“I can’t.”
Opening the back of my Subaru, I throw my suitcase inside. Ed puts a hand on my back, and I wheel around. “I don’t have time for this. It’s my grandma.”
A sob wrenches out of me.
Ed’s face turns hard. “I’ll drive.”
“No.” I sniff back tears. “I’m sure you have meetings to get to.”
