Page 60 of The Now in Forever
“Fuck,” he groans, hardly audible over the movie.
As his finger moves lightly, I try to keep my breaths even so anyone looking over couldn’t tell. He increases the pressure, and I hold tighter to the seat, feeling like if I let go, I may float away.
Ed leans in, placing his finger at my center and slowly entering, “Is this okay?”
“Yes,” I breathe out.
He moves back and forth as my breasts swell, my nipples hard as diamonds.
Ed adds another finger, and I kiss him to keep from crying out. He eases up on the pressure, but I need it—more, harder, deeper. I put my hand over his, placing his fingers back inside, clenching around him as all the nerve endings in my body ignite in a fiery blast.
I relax, sitting back in my chair breathless.
Ed moves his hand slowly, whispering, “You are so fucking beautiful.”
The rest of the movie, his fingers trace mine then lazily move up my arm and down again. He’s still always moving.
After the movie is over, we go get a slice of pizza at Take Another Little Pizza My Heart. It has scuffed-up hardwood floors, pinball in the corner, and “War of Pigs” blaring over the stereo. Each of us orders our slices, along with a beer for Ed and a can of red wine for me. We sit at a booth near the window. I’m careful to find a spot to sit on the bench where the red vinyl seat isn’t ripped and scratchy.
“What did you think of the movie?”
He chews the massive bite of sausage pizza he just took, smiling. “It was very satisfying. Didn’t you find it satisfying? One might even say orgasmic.”
“Very.” I laugh.
“It was better than I thought it would be. I liked the end.”
“You did?”
“Yeah. It’s like no matter what choices we make, fate is still fate. We have no real control over the events of our lives. The thought is freeing.”He takes another bite of pizza.
I run my palm over the scratched Formica. “Do you believe that, though? That no matter what we choose, things will turn out the way they turn out?”
Ed looks toward the spitball-covered ceiling. “I’m not sure.”
“Isn’t that the complete opposite of your book, where every choice the dude made had dire consequences?”
He laughs. “Yeah, that’s true. But it’s comforting to think that none of it matters because some unseen force is orchestrating the whole thing. What do you think? Do you believe in fate?”
I take a sip of my canned wine, considering the question. Do I believe in fate? How can I not? Robin and I reading the exact same book at the exact same time, and both of us lugging them to swim class on a sunny day when we were kids had to be fate.Anne of Green Gableswasn’t exactly a popular book for kids our age at the time. Plus,what are the odds of Ed and I coming together again, and again, and again over the years? It has to be fate.
“I do, I think.”
We finish our slices and our drinks and head back into the balmy evening, sun dappling through the tree-lined street. The light seizes Ed’s green eyes, making them glow like enchanted jewels. He catches me staring and wipes his face. “What is it? Do I have cheese on my face?”
I shake my head. “You’re pretty.”
Pulling me into him, he says, “You’re prettier.”
He leans down, and our lips meet. Our kiss is bottomless, endless, timeless. The city street falls away beneath my feet. Everything feelsmore, the light breeze on my bare legs, the bra strap across my collarbone, the soft fabric of my tank top, Ed’s hand on my back.
When we finally pull away, he says, “Should we get out of here? I know a place.”
I laugh. “Your hotel room?”
“It has a big bed. Really big.”
“And a large window too.” I smile as flashes of us flit through my mind. Then stop abruptly as it occurs to me—why are we staying at a hotel, anyway? “Don’t you live in Portland?”
