Page 31 of The Now in Forever
“How’s the job search?”
I swallow my sip, feeling a tightness in my chest. That’s what I should be doing, looking and applying for more jobs. Not drinking wine in the middle of the day. But what about that bookstore? Could that be my new job? My new career? My new life?
“That good, huh?” Ed says, his brow furrowed, and I realize I never answered.
“It’s slow. Actually, I’m thinking I might want to do something else. Something different.”
“Like what?”
“Open my own bookstore. Maybe here, even.”
Ed frowns into his beer.
“What? Don’t you like it here?”
Ed lowers his voice, leaning in. “It’s fine for a vacation, but it’s so small. Won’t you get bored? Do you want to be tied to this tiny town for the rest of your life?”
I shrug. When I picture myself opening the bookstore, staying in Fortune Falls, it feels more like planting roots, not being tied down. But I can see his point. It is small.
We drink in stillness for a couple minutes until Ed breaks the silence.
“So, tell me more about this perfect day.”
I cough. “Why?”
“I'm a writer. I’m curious.”
“Like I said before, it’s not really anything we did. It was just a feeling. Anyway, it was dashed pretty quickly. A day is over before you know it.”
“Hmm. What ruined it?”
“You ask a lot of questions and answer very few.”
Ed sips his beer and stares into the unlit fire pit. He holds out his arm for a second to give me a good look at the heart tattoo. “I was in love.”He lowers his arms and lazily traces the bone of my ankle.“Dated long-distance. We weren’t even together when we got these tattoos. She drew it, and we went on the same day. Texted each other pictures of red inflamed skin and ink, but we weren’t actually there for each other during the pain. I should’ve seen that as a sign. She asked me to move into her apartment in Brooklyn. I moved all my stuff into my buddy’s storage unit and moved in with just a suitcase, my laptop, and my skateboard. She was away a lot. Then I was away for the book tour. But when we were together, it wasn’t the same as when we wanted to be together. Does that make sense?”
I consider it, tilting my head to the side. Maybe it’s all the wine, but it really doesn’t.
Ed laughs. “We got so used to missing each other. Pining. We were great over text. Even the”—he lowers his voice—“sex was better long-distance. It’s like when we were together, we didn’t know how to touch each other.”
My skin is hyper aware of him touching me right now.
“We didn’t know how to talk. Once the longing was gone, there wasn’t anything else there. I should’ve known all along that it wouldn’t work. She was too good for me.”
Too good? I’m unsure how to respond, when he says more brightly, “Your turn. Tell me about this perfect day.”
I sigh and take a large sip of wine, stalling. “It might not have been as perfect as I remember. I’ve just built it up in my head over the years. Anyway, if I ran into that guy on the street, he probably wouldn’t even recognize me.”
Ed holds my eye contact for a long, charged beat. “I don’t see how that’s possible.”
“You’d be surprised.”
“Hattie, I…”
Footsteps approach on the gravel, and Robin and Nathan come out holding drinks. I quickly move my legs, sitting up a bit and tucking my hair behind my ears.
“We didn’t know you’d be here,” Robin says with a smile and gives me an “oooh” look.
Ed chats with Nathan while Robin whispers in my ear. “Are we interrupting?”
