Page 106 of The Now in Forever
“No.”
He nods. “It’s not pink satin, but I thought it was a nice compromise.”
I lay my head on his shoulder. “I didn’t think you were coming.”
“For a second, I wasn’t sure I could either. Hattie.” He takes my face in his hands, planting a soft kiss on my lips. When we part, he says, “I’m an idiot.”
I laugh, and he takes my hand, his face serious. “I’ve been doing some thinking—actually a lot of thinking. I’ve always been a one-foot-out-the-door kind of person. In all my relationships, but especially my romantic ones.”
“Okay…”
“If I’m not all in, I can’t get hurt or hurt as bad. I’ve thought I could just enjoy the time we have together and focus on my own shit, and whatever happens, happens. But that’s not going to work.”
“It’s not,” I agree, remembering the email I was just about to send.
“If I missed this, it would’ve been just like the boardwalk that day in December. Or just like how I made you feel all alone in LA. I don’t want you to feel alone. And I don’t want to miss this. I’m missing major moments of our lives together because I’m too scared to go all in. And that’s just fucking dumb. Do you know how you get fucked up skateboarding?”
I half smile but shake my head.
“You don’t commit. If you're doing a trick and get too in your head, if you aren’t fully in the movement, you're doomed from the start. That’s what I’ve done to us. I’m getting right to the rail and jumping off the board.”
“You lost me.”
“I’ve had a mental block. Getting close and opening up, really being there and showing up for us, has been too scary, so I’ve been bailing. But not anymore. I’m so sorry I left you on the boardwalk that day. I’m so sorry I made you feel all alone in LA. And I’m sorry I’ve not been fully in this with you. Can you forgive me?”
I smile, my heart swelling so much, my chest can hardly contain it. “Yes.”
“I’ll never leave you alone like that again. I know what we have is complicated, but I want to figure it out. I want more than just emails. I want you in person, all of you. I love you.”
My cheeks ache from how wide my smile is. He’s here. Ed is here, and he wants me. He wants a real life together. “I love you.”
He leans in, and we kiss. His lips are soft and warm. The music drifts on the air around us.Just Like Honey.We spin around, and the lights from the chandelier swirl in my vision.
“Want to see upstairs?” I breathe into Ed’s ear.
He takes my hand in his, and we walk toward the stairs, up to my place, off toward our future together.
EPILOGUE
TWO YEARS LATER
The bookstore is too hot and crowded, despite the cool October weather. I can’t believe they’re all here for me. My book came out last week, and so far, the reception has been wonderful. Lots of tags on social media, lots of positive reviews, a starred review fromPublishers Weekly. But this is my first event, and I couldn’t ask for a better venue—my very own bookstore.
I’ve set up pink chairs and a vanity-like table with a lace cloth with a ruffle in the back. It’s whimsical and delightful. Robin, despite being nearly nine months pregnant, offered—more like insisted—on MCing the event.
“Please welcome the co-owner of Story Club and the author ofMy Book Boyfriend, Hattie Stevens.”
Applause erupts from the audience, along with hollers from the back coming from Anh, Michelle, and Nathan. The whole back row is filled with faces I know and love. My mom, grandma, Uncle Rob, a few local friends.
“Thank you all so much for coming.” I clear my throat and begin to read.
The air in the room shifts as he walks in, but I keep reading. It’s hard to pick a favorite scene. I’ve spent so much loving time on them all. But if I was forced to choose, this one where the man in the bookappears is it. I finish the scene with June stumbling into his arms but accidentally closing the book in the process, making him disappear and her hit the floor with a massive thud, right as her co-worker walks in.
“Thank you.”
The applause is almost as startling as June’s trip. Ed, tall as an oak, in a Velvet Underground shirt, suit jacket, and ripped jeans is clapping in the back. I catch his eye, and he gives me a wink, sending electric pulses to my toes. We continued long distance while he finished up work on the movie, but with texts and phone calls and frequent visits. He decided the movie biz was not for him and instead went back to focusing on his novels.
When he moved into my place, I was worried that some of the spark might go out. It’d happened to my parents, and it definitely happened with Chad, but so far, the zing between Ed and me has only intensified.
