Page 96 of Our Little Cliche
“I think you know what I mean, Stone.”
“What?” I repeat myself, even though I heard her. Even though I know exactly what she means.
I think I’m sweating.
Am I sweating?
I’m definitely sweating.
“Come on. It’s so fucking obvious,” she says, grinning ear to ear. Now it feels less like an interrogation and more of anI’m so happy for youtype situation, but for the sake of it, I continue to play dumb.
“What is?”
“Oh, for f…” She pauses, finding her words. “You and Holly.” I snap my eyes to find Quinn, who’s dancing with someone on the dance floor, and I try to object, but words don’t follow. I don’t think I can even move. My mind wanders elsewhere.
Me and Holly.
Holly and I.
Holly and me.
I and Holly.
“Don’t worry. I won’t say shit,” Renee adds.
“Won’t say shit…”
“Yeah, about you and Holly.”
“Me and Holly…”
“Yes, what? Hello? Are you in auto-pilot or something?” Renee’s hands wave in front of me, and for a split second all I want to do is run away, and flee the country because it’s so goddamn hard to hide how I feel about her.
Why exist in a place where you’re not accepted? Why hide it? Why torture yourself? Rationality takes charge and I say what I say next without even thinking. “I love her, Ren. I have since I first laid eyes on her. I cannot picture my life without her by my side. I thought I could manage hiding it today, keeping away from her as if she’s a fucking stranger, but it god damn near killed me. I?—”
“You wanna talk about how secrets can destroy you, huh?” Renee frowns, leaning in closer, and almost bearing her teeth like a wild animal. “I’ll tell you about secrets. Believe me, I know. I’ve had to keep mine forYEARS.”
“You have? One that’ll get you fired? Career canceled? Disowned?”
“Yes.” Her words are pained, leaving a tender bruise when it soars under my skin. “I’mgay, Cyrus.”
“Oh.” I want to say being gay isn’t bad, and that there’s nothing wrong with it at all, but clearly to her it is, so I keep that thought to myself.
“Holly didn’t tell you?”
“She would never.” I gesture a cross pattern over my heart.
“She’s a good egg, then. She’s helped me see things from a different lens in just a couple hours than my therapist has my whole adulthood. I know I shouldn’t be, but I’m scared to open up to Quinn about it. So many of my peers have lost their entire lives coming out of the closet. You know what Quinn’s like. If Ilose my job, I’ll lose my readers, too. Maybe even my house if I can’t afford to?—”
“Renee, listen to me. You are worth your weight in gold. If the world cannot handle you asyou, then they don’t deserve you. Never be ashamed of who you are.” It’s not until I say the words, that I truly understand that I don’t just include her in them.
“The light bulb lit up, didn’t it?” She smiles, gracefully, then cackles. We both end up in a full fit of belly laughs over our unfortunate predicament.
Holly returns with her martini now spread across two glasses, passing one to Renee. “Here, Stacy. This is for you.”
“For me? Wow, thank you.”
“So what’s so funny over here, then?”
