Page 31 of Bleed for You
“I could eat. What do you want?”
Craig gave him a quick smile. “I’ll do it.” Jinx walked toward him, a small smile on his face that drifted away when Craig walked out of the bedroom. He rubbed his chin, listening to Craig go down the stairs, and swallowed. Distance. That was what Craig was creating. Distance. Maybe he didn’t believe what Jinx had said.
Following him downstairs, Jinx walked into the kitchen and watched Craig set up the coffee machine. “Are you okay?”
Licking his lips, Craig nodded. “You’ve been ill.”
“Yeah. Wasn’t fun, but I’m over it now.” He approached Craig, dropped a kiss to the back of his neck. Craig gave him a smile, then went back to making their drinks. Jinx could see the tension in Craig’s shoulders, tension he hadn’t picked up on the night before. “What’s wrong?”
“Why didn’t you call me? I could have come to look after you?”
“I didn’t want you to get it.” Jinx watched Craig, who nodded but didn’t respond. “I was rough. The last thing I wanted was for you to catch it.”
“I’ve been here for you before, when you’ve been ill. Why not this time?” Craig turned and leaned back on the counter. “You could have sent me a message, Jinx, but there was nothing.” Craig looked at the floor, then asked, “Is there someone else?”
Jinx’ eyes widened in surprise. “What? Of course not! I love you. Why would I be with anyone else?”
“You don’t want us to live together. Why?”
“Why ruin what we have?” Jinx watched Craig as he turned back to the counter and finished making their drinks, then picked his up. When Jinx realized Craig wasn’t going to hand him his drink, he picked it up and watched the ripples dance across the surface. “We’re good as we are. Why change it?”
“We’ve been together for two years. Is this how it’s going to be between us? We see each other mainly on the weekends, hardly during the week. Are you hiding something from me? Is there someone else and you can’t tell me?”
Jinx froze. Yeah, he was hiding something, but it wasn’t another man. “No. All this because I didn’t call you while I was ill? Come on, Craig. You know me. I’m your man. I’m your Daddy. Why would I ruin what we have? Why would you think that?”
“You’ve not been you lately, that’s why. It feels like…” Craig shook his head. “You’re so gorgeous, Jinx. You could have any man.”
“I don’t want any man. I have you. I love you. I’m sorry I didn’t call. I didn’t mean to make you think I didn’t want to be with you.” Jinx thought over the last few weeks and he had become distant, but he didn’t think Craig would see it as him losing interest. “I love you,” he repeated.
“Not enough for us to take the next step. I get it. You’re young and used to being on your own. I’m probably the longest relationship you’ve had. We met when you were twenty-three. We’re at different stages of our lives. I’m in my thirties and want to settle down and you’re just twenty-five.” Craig nodded to himself. “I get it—”
“You get nothing.” Jinx sucked in a lungful of air, sweat breaking out over his skin. He didn’t want to lose Craig, couldn’t figure out what had brought this on. Him disappearing for a few days shouldn’t have caused this reaction, but here he was, standing in his kitchen, maybe losing the man he loved. “I don’t want anyone else. I only want you. No one comes close to you. You knew I was young when we met, yet I’m here with you. No one else comes close to you.”
“You’ve always kept part of you back, and I didn’t mind at first. I figured in time things would change, you know. When we’d been together for a while you’d trust me more or knew I wasn’t going to leave, or you got used to being in a relationship.” Craig shrugged. “I don’t know, and I didn’t mind because I had you and you’re so easy to love.”
“What’s brought this on? Tell me. What can I do to fix things between us because I didn’t even know there was a problem between us?” Jinx reached out to touch Craig and Craig stepped back, biting his bottom lip and looking away. “Craig, please.” Jinx swallowed, rubbed his chest. “What do you need from me?”
“What I want you don’t want to give me.” Craig sighed, lifted his head and stared into Jinx’s eyes. “I want us to build a home together. We spend every weekend together. Why not the rest?”
“I’m not ready.” He would never be able to explain where he went when he was working and he wasn’t ready to stop because he needed to do what he did to calm the darkness inside. He knew he wasn’t right, knew he wasn’t good, but being with Craig kept him on the right side of the line and he didn’t want to losethat. “You’re right that I’m still young, but I want to spend my life with you. Why do we have to live together? We have a great relationship, and I don’t want to ruin it by rushing.”
“Rushing?”
“I don’t understand where this is coming from. Why now? Because I didn’t call you when I was ill? You think I don’t want you anymore?”
“I want more than what we have!” Craig suddenly shouted, then stilled, his eyes wide before he breathed out and walked out of the kitchen. Jinx followed and stood behind him as Craig said, “I shouldn’t have shouted at you.”
“I’m not ready for us to live together, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you. Can’t you give me more time? Please, Craig.” What the fuck was going on here? What had he done wrong? Had Craig been telling him and he hadn’t seen the signs? “Craig. Tell me what I need to do.”
“It’s fine,” he sighed. “Maybe it’s me. Maybe I want more than what you can give.”
“Do you think I’m cheating on you?”
Craig looked at him and shook his head. “I worried, you know. Let my imagination run away with me.”
Jinx narrowed his eyes. Craig’s sudden change of mind surprised him and made him cautious. “Huh? So what’s happening here?”
“Me letting my insecurities get the better of me. I’m sorry. I’m having a shitty week, and I have to go to work and face Flint.” He sighed and Jinx went to him, pulled him back into his arms. “I’m sorry.”
