Page 32 of Mane Full Of Stripes
“It’s… I’m, you know, naked.” Jost could feel the heat flood his cheeks and closed his eyes.
“Perfect then. I saw you last night, Jost. I held you in my hand. Tasted you on my tongue.”
“Apollo,” Jost whined. God, he wanted Apollo, and yet he wanted to run away at the same time. The want was growing, and he quickly sent the photo. “I sent it,” he whispered.
“Jesus, Jost. I want you so much. Shit. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that—”
“I want you too,” Jost rushed out. “I want you, but I’m scared you’ll… I’m scared.”
“Tell me what he did. Can you do that, or is it too much?”
Jost sank to the floor and closed his eyes as painful memories rushed at him, but he needed to tell Apollo. He wanted his mate and so he needed to tell him. “Can I call you after work or can we meet for a coffee?”
“Yeah, we can meet at the cafe we went to when we first met. It’ll have to be eight, though. I have an after-school club.”
“I don’t mind waiting for you. I’ll see you there and enjoy the picture.” Jost hung up and licked his lips, then wrapped his arms around his legs. He was going to tell Apollo everything, and it terrified him, but he wanted to face the fear because if he wanted a future with his mate, then he needed to.
The rest of the day passed far too quickly for him but also not quick enough, and before he knew it, he was sitting inside the little cafe they’d first had a drink in, waiting for Apollo to arrive. All day he’d gone over and over what he was going to say and now that the time had arrived, he had no idea how to begin. He’d loved Jenrick. Had loved him for a long time, even when he should have walked away, he’d still loved him.
Sighing softly, he sipped his drink and stared outside of the large window thinking of his ex. Jenrick. Tall and slim, with auburn hair and pale blue eyes. Jost had hesitated when he first met Jenrick and now he knew it was his instinct telling him to back away. He’d ignored it because Jenrick had showered him with praise and gifts and made him feel cherished. It had been the first time another shifter had shown him so much attention and Jost had fallen for it.
“Jost.” Jost looked up, seeing Apollo standing next to the table. He slid into the seat opposite and took hold of Jost’s hands in his own. Those dark green eyes showed concern, and Jost smiled. “Do you want another drink?”
Shaking his head, Jost held Apollo’s hands and murmured, “I was young and foolish, and he hurt me.”
Apollo let go of Jost’s hands and reached up to cup his face. “Tell me what you can. Don’t force it. If it becomes too difficult, then stop.”
Jost nodded, then sighed heavily. “I had just turned eighteen. I was at a party, and he arrived, and I didn’t think much of him really, but he was nice to me, and he didn’t seem to see me as just an omega. I liked that. When he asked me out on a date I agreed because I wanted to be seen as Jost and not omega Jost. We had a few dates and things happened.” Jost stopped and sipped his coffee, avoiding Apollo’s eyes. “When he suggested we live together, I jumped at the chance. We hadn’t been living together long when he hit me the first time. He said he was sorry and cried and swore it wouldn’t happen again. I believed him because I loved him.”
“But he did it again.” Jost nodded. “How long were you together?”
“Just over two years.” Jost glanced up at Apollo, who gave him a soft smile. “He didn’t just hit me. If I said no, he made me feel like I was in the wrong to deny him. He made more money than me and worked harder than me and was older than me…” Jost shrugged.
“So, you gave him what he wanted even when you didn’t want to because you knew he would hurt you.”
“He hurt me anyway,” Jost whispered. “I was small and thin and couldn’t satisfy him, so he needed… others. He hurt me. Made me…” Jost sat back and took a shaky breath in. “I couldn’t say no because I would be punished, and when I said yes, he hurt me so I lived in fear, but I kept thinking it was me and if I could be better for him and do what he wanted, then he would be nice like in the beginning. I cooked his favorite foods and did all the things he wanted me to. I cut off my family and friends to please him and I still wasn’t good enough. He hurt me, and I let him because I wanted to make it all better, and it was my fault he did it.”
“You know that’s not true, right? You know he was the one at fault.”
“I do now, but back then, when I was stuck in the middle of it, I believed him. I believed him for a long time after, but now I know he was in the wrong.”
“Can I ask you a question?” Jost nodded. “Did he hurt you in bed?”
“In bed. Out of bed.” Jost shrugged. “I couldn’t please him.”
“What he said about you isn’t true.” Apollo ran his fingers over Jost's cheek, and he leaned into his touch.
“I know.”
“Thank you for telling me. I know that can’t have been easy.”
“I kinda feel better for telling you.” Jost smiled because it was true. Telling Apollo a little about his past had lifted some of the pressure he’d felt since they’d met. He straightened and smiled at Apollo, and it felt. Like the first proper smile since Apollo had entered the cafe.
Apollo ordered a coffee and Jost had his refilled. “That’s good. There is nothing you can’t tell me. Nothing. No matter what, I will never think less of you. You met someone who should have cherished you, but he didn’t. He never realized what a special person you are.”
“You have to say that because you’re my mate,” Jost teased.
Snorting, Apollo shook his head. “No, I don’t, and when you meet my family, you’ll hear all about the stupid things I’ve done as a kid and my over appreciation of mashed potatoes.”
