Page 78 of Sweet Escape
Olivia
“Time for bed, Emmy Lou.”
She played in the bath for what felt like hours, drawing on the tiles with her special crayons. None of it was discernible, but seeing her pure joy makes it all worthwhile. Now she’s in her favorite footie pajamas with the pink bows all over them, while I tie off the end of her second braid.
“Where’s daddy?” she asks.
“He’s still working with Uncle Jaxy and Griff. Would it be okay if I tuck you in tonight?” Wilder texted to let me know they were on their way back, but he’d be a little late once they got the horses turned in for the night.
“Will you read me a story, Livie?” she asks with her adorable lisp. Her face pulls into the most heartbreakingly cute pout, making it impossible to tell her no, not that I would want to. I’d do just about anything for this little girl.
“Of course. Why don’t we go pick out a book right now?” I hold out my hand for her to take, and she leads the way down the narrow hallway toward her bedroom.
Emmy stops in front of the bookshelf that’s shaped like a tree, each of its branches lined with colorful children’s books.She releases my hand, hopping up and down on the spot, trying to reach a book on the top branch.
“This one?” I ask, pointing at a princess book. She shakes her head and points again. “What about this one?” I pluck another off the shelf. She shakes her head again. Sensing where this is going, I decide to make things easier and lift her up into my arms so she can grab the book herself. She smells like her lavender baby lotion, and something about the scent is almost comforting.
“This one,” she says with an air of exasperation, far too advanced for her age. It’s a picture book called Goodnight Sister, and it looks brand new. Did Wilder buy this for her?
“Ok, sweet girl. Let’s get you all tucked in.”
She climbs into her bed without protest, then pats the comforter next to her, eying me expectantly. I settle in beside her, and she scoots into the crook of my arm, her little hand resting on my belly. I take a moment to blink away the stinging sensation building behind my eyes—I’m an emotional wreck on a good day. The spine gives an audible crack when I open the book between us.
“Are you ready, Emmy Lou?”
She lets out a muffled “mmhmm” around a yawn. We only make it three pages in before she’s fast asleep, snuggled against my side, her long lashes fanned out over her freckled cheeks. She really is a beautiful little girl, and I wonder if she looks anything like her mom. Wilder doesn’t have any pictures around the house, so I’ve never seen her. I know Emmy looks at least a little bit like Evie, but those eyes belong to someone else.
Enraptured by the quiet moment, I glance around the bedroom, noticing all of the little details. The walls are a pale pink gingham on top, with white wainscotting and a chair rail on the bottom half of the wall. The white princess-style bed set takes up most of the room, with a large pink rug spread out across the hardwood. The bedspread is a soft ivory with delicate pink flowers and ruffles around the edges. It’s every little girl's dream bedroom, and it’s clear it was designed with the utmost love and care.
It’s not lost on me that this is the only room in the house that’s complete. Wilder’s room is still full of unopened boxes, the guest room I’m borrowing is furnished with the bare minimum essentials, and even the kitchen has only mismatched dinnerware and toddler-sized place settings. It’s almost like he’s waiting for something, or someone, to put all of the other pieces back together.
I look down at the sleeping toddler at my side and gently kiss the top of her head, vowing to do everything I can to be that someone, even if it’s not me he’s waiting for. It’s not long before I drift off to sleep to visions of a nursery for another little girl, one who looks just like her daddy.
Wilder
The house is quiet when I step over the threshold, only the faint glow of the oven light guiding me through the empty kitchen and on toward the bedrooms.
Emmy’s door creaks as I push it open, and the sight that greets me has me nearly falling to my knees. Emmy is there, but so is Olivia. She has an arm curled protectively around my daughter, Emmy’s little hand lying on top of Olivia’s bump as her head rests on her chest. They’re beautiful, and perfect, and I don’t know how I’m going to survive when Olivia moves back to the apartment.
We still haven’t figured out how any of it is going to work. Her apartment isn’t exactly baby-friendly. There’s an entire flight of stairs to go up and down, and there’s only one bedroom and nowhere to put a nursery. I need to bite the bullet and ask her to stay. She’s already made herself at home here, and it will be easier to co-parent if we’re under the same roof.
I intend to be there for all of it, one way or another. Diapers, feedings, bath time. I want to experience it all with Olivia. I only had six months before Jess was taken from me, and the rest of that first year was the most challenging of my life. I won’t make Olivia experience being a single parent if I can help it, but she’s stubborn and unpredictable. She’ll try to fight me anyway.
Doubt creeps in as a thought comes to me—what if she wants to do this with someone else? There’s still one thing I can’t give her. Am I being selfish if I ask her to stay anyway?
I hear the bed shift, and Olivia’s quiet voice brings me back to the present. “Wilder?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
She carefully extricates herself from under Emmy, then tucks the blanket around her and kisses her forehead. The sweet gesture makes my heart leap inside my chest, and in that moment, I have my answer. I can’t let her go.
“Everything okay?” she asks, stepping into the dim light of the hallway. Her hair is disheveled, and her cheeks are flushed from sleep. It’s exactly how she looks in the morning when she walks into the kitchen, and I ache to see her this way every morning forever.
“All good. Emmy go down okay?”
“She was an angel, as always.”
I reach up and smooth a palm over her hair, resisting the urge to plant my lips on hers. “Sit with me for a minute?”
