Page 114 of Sweet Escape
“You knew. I don’t know how, but you did. I couldn’t see through the wreckage you left behind, couldn’t breathe through the pain. I spent my days trying to be enough for Emmy on my own, and my nights wishing you’d walk through the door to save us from my failures.” I pinch my eyes shut, willing away the tears. “When I thought we were irrevocably broken, Olivia found me—or maybe we found each other. She’s put me back together somehow, piece by piece. With her, I feel like I might be okay; I can let go of the guilt that’s been weighing me down and open my heart again—to her and to Gracie.”
The deep-seated anguish and regret begin to wane with each fervent confession. I crouch in front of the stone, my elbows resting on my thighs, head bowed in contrition.
I don’t love Jess any less because I've fallen for Olivia… but it’s different. With Olivia, there was an instant connection, an inherent draw that pulled me toward her. It knocked me on my ass before I could even give voice to what it was I was feeling.
Jess and I… we justwere.
Ever since we were kids, she was always there, and one day, I realized what we had was love. It wasn’t all-consuming. It wasn’t a bowl you over, steal your breath kind of love. It was a slow build, a best friend, will love you ‘til the day I die kind of love. That hasn’t changed. Jess will always be part of who I am.
But I’ve made room for the woman who smells like cupcakes and lights up my entire world with her smile. I’ve made space for the little snort she does when she laughs, and the way she fidgets with the ring on her finger when she’s nervous. I’ve made time for dancing in the kitchen and daisy crowns made by hand. Despite how she sees herself, she’s the calm in the storm,the softness to my hardness. She’s the heart of us, and I am so fucking gone for her. Maybe I have been all along, but I couldn’t reconcile the grief with my feelings for her.
Swallowing around the lump in my throat, I gather the courage I need to continue. “I know Emmy didn’t get the best of me after you left, but I did what I could to make sure she was safe and happy. She’s amazing, Jess. So full of life, with the biggest heart. I see so much of you in her. Sometimes it’s like you’re still here. She’s everything good in this world, and I know she’s gonna be the best big sister when the time comes. I wish you could see it… maybe you can.”
A part of me thought I was coming here to ask for forgiveness or permission, but standing here now, I know I don’t need to do that. My world didn’t end when she left it, and that’s okay.We’reokay.
If she could speak to me right now, she’d tell me to go home and be with my family. So that’s what I’m going to do.
“Goodbye, Jess. Thank you… for the time we had together, and for… everything after. I’ll always love you.”
Chapter 32
Choosing you
?This Woman’s Work - Maxwell
36 weeks: Baby is the size of a winter melon
Trigger warning: Traumatic birth
Wilder
“She’s doing so much better. Aren’tyou, girl?” Liv says.
Storm whinnies and nuzzles at Liv’s protruding belly over the fence to the west pasture. Liv strokes her forehead, up between her ears.
“Won’t be long before this little one is here and I can take you for a proper ride.” I wrap my arms around her from behind, one palm resting over her belly.
She sighs wistfully. “I can’t wait. It’s not that I don’t love being pregnant—I actually do—but I’m ready for her to be here. It feels like this last month is just dragging on.”
It’s been a couple of weeks since my visit to the cemetery, and it feels like a weight has been lifted. Before all the chaos, I was barely makingit through each day. Now I live for the quiet moments with my family, coming home at the end of the day to a house that’s filled with laughter, sweetness… andthem. I only wish I’d gotten my head outta my ass sooner.
“Once she’s here, you’ll wish she was back inside, safe and sound. It’ll be like having your heart walking around outside your body. It’s excruciating and breathtaking all at once.”
“That was weirdly poetic, Big Guy.”
I chuckle, gliding my palm across her belly in a soothing motion. “I have my moments. Has she been moving much today?”
“A little. She had the hiccups early this morning. I’ll never get used to that feeling, but I think I’ll miss it.” She winces slightly. “I won't miss this back pain, though.”
I place my hands at the base of her spine and massage the area. “Has it been worse today?”
“Not worse. Different. Like, there’s more pressure. I?—”
She stiffens in my arms and looks down at the ground. Everything stills when I follow her line of sight to the liquid pooling at her feet. Agitated, Storm paces in the paddock.
“I think my water just broke. It’s too early, Wilder. What do we do?”
We’re still a month away from her due date, but we were prepared. The bags are already in the truck, ready to go.
