Page 104 of Sweet Escape
I manage a small smile, swirling the amber liquid. “That was before we were officially a couple. She was a menace back then.”
“We miss her, too, you know,” Ruby says.
The bourbon slides down my throat, warming me from the inside out, but it does nothing to combat the raw emptiness. “It’s not the same, though, is it? She wasn’t your wife—the mother of your child.”
“No. You’re right about that, but we did love her like a sister. Just because she’s gone, doesn’t mean we stop living.”
“Jess wouldn’t want that,” Jaxon adds. “She’d want you to be happy.”
I get what they’re saying, but it’s not that simple for me. I can’t turn off a lifetime of memories and move on like Jess never existed. It doesn’t work like that. Even if I could let myself fall in love with Olivia, it wouldn’t be fair to trap her in a relationship with me and my ghost.
“She would’ve loved Olivia.” It’s the first time I’ve ever heard Griffin use her name instead of calling her Little Sully. “Welove Olivia. And I’m pretty sure you do, too. You’re in denial, brother.”
I move to take another drink of my bourbon, but the glass is regretfully empty, much like the rest of me. “I—I don’t know what you want me to say.”
Ruby crosses her arms over her chest, sighing. “We don’t want you to say anything, but you’re hurting Olivia, and we can’t stand by and let that happen. If you can’t love her the way she deserves, you need to stop stringing her along. Or at least stop treating her like shit.”
“I’m not?—”
“You are. You’ve been avoiding her. We see the way she looks at you—the longing glances. Did you think she hadn't noticed?”
The ambush continues as Griffin takes another stab at me. “You think we don’t see how you look at her? That we don’t know how hard it is for you to hold back out of some bullshit attempt at self-preservation or guilt or whatever the fuck your excuse is this time?”
Gritting my teeth, I say, “It’s more than that and you know it.”
For the first time since we sat down, nobody speaks for several long minutes. I rake a hand down my beard and lean forward, draping my elbows over my knees as the heat from the fire assaults me. It's nearly suffocating in the late summer air, but I welcome the distraction. I can feel their eyes on me, but I don’t look up.
It’s Jaxon who breaks the silence. “What are you so afraid of?”
“I’m not afraid.”
“That’s a load of bullshit and you know it,” he says. “You’re so goddamn scared of losing her, you can’t see what’s right in front of your fucking face. Olivia deserves better. Maybe I should shoot my shot.” Jax smirks.
I rise from my chair, getting up close and personal with him. “Like hell you will! Stay the fuck away from her.” I jab my finger at his chest, but he doesn’t flinch.
“There he is,” Griffin says. “Instead of fighting with Jaxon, why don’t you put that energy into fightingforOlivia?”
Ever the voice of reason, Ruby steps between me and Jax, pushing us apart. “Alright, boys. I think you’ve made your point. Leave us for a bit, will you?”
Griff stands, picking up his guitar and clamping a hand on my shoulder. “Think about what we said.”
They leave, and it’s just me and Ruby and a roaring inferno. Not the one in the fire pit, but the one in my chest. I slide my hands into my pockets, keeping my focus on the flames.
Ruby links her arm through mine and rests her head on my shoulder. “If all she’ll ever be is a friend, tell her that so she can move on. There’s nothing worse than holding on to hope when nothing will ever come of it.”
“Speaking from personal experience, Sissy?”
“We’re not talking about me. Do you want to be with her?”
I hesitate, thinking back over the last six months. Olivia and I have always had chemistry, but it might be more than that. Maybe I have been blind, but even if I wanted to go there… “I can’t.”
“Can’t and won’t are two different things. You aren’t cheating on Jess, and you aren’t disrespecting her memory. She’s not coming back, Wilder. I know that’s hard to accept, but it’s time.”
“I miss her so much, it’s hard to breathe some days. But?—”
“But?” Ruby douses the fire, waiting patiently for my response.
I stare at the dying embers at the bottom of the pit. Everything around them turns to ash, like the memories I cling to from a past long since dead and buried. I see it then, the hope in the last flicker of the dying flame. “Olivia makes it easier. She makes me want to be happy, to live my life without this constant underlying grief ruling my existence.” I inhale a long breath. “It would be so easy to love her.”
