Page 95 of Heartstrings & Horizons
Laughing, I pull her close breathing in the now familiar scent of vanilla and jasmine. “Thanks, Mrs. Bar Owner,” I tease. Something flashes behind her beautiful brown eyes, but it’s gone before I have time to question it.
I’m quickly led to the kitchen island, set with our best dishes and a bottle of wine. In the center, there’s a small cake decorated in a sloppy child-like scrawl that reads ‘Congratulations, Cowboy.’ My heart swells with affection for the woman who means the world to me. It was agony not being able to come straight home to her after signing the papers.
“This looks amazing.”
“Only the best for you,” Paige replies, squeezing my hand. “I’m so proud of you.”
I kiss her foreheadas Goose strolls into the room, rubbing against my legs before hopping into the chair, signaling his need for attention. I reach down and scratch the little fluff ball behind his ears, earning a contented purr.
I give him a moment of attention before shoo-ing him away so we can take our places, a plate of pasta and a glass of wine in front of me. Paige raises her glass in a toast, “to new beginnings.” I echo her sentiments, clinking my glass against hers.
New beginnings — we've had a lot of those recently. If you had asked me six months ago if this is where I would see my life today, I would’ve laughed. There have been so many unexpected changes, each one for the better.
We finish our meals, sharing a piece of the homemade chocolate cake, before settling in the den on the couch. We talk about some changes I want to make to the menu, like adding Paige’s Poutine as a special item, and she suggests we also host a trivia night. The conversation quiets as Paige drifts off to sleep in my arms. This day was perfect.
Paige
Cade has thrown himself into his new role at work. Spending long hours setting up the office, making official menu changes, and planning themed nights. Each day is filled with more decisions, leaving little time for anything else.
Meanwhile, back at the house, I’m spiraling — feeling listless and slightly adrift. As though I’m simply going through the motions. Of course I’m excited for Cade; I’m beyond proud of what he’s accomplished and the changes he’s making, but as I spend more days alone, my own life feels like it’s in stasis. I try to keep busy, reading books, experimenting with new recipes, and playing with Goose. I sometimes have lunch dates with one of the girls, and I’ve had a few photoshoots with some local families, but I still feel like something is missing; a definitive destination or a purpose. More often than not, Cade calls to say he’ll be staying late at the bar, his voice full of apologies and excitement about his latest project. I’m happy for him, really I am.
It’s been a week since Cade signed the paperwork and took ownership of the bar. The late spring raindrops are tracking down the window of my library, Goose is purring contentedly on my lap. I’ve read and reread several lines of the book in my hand, the words never fully sinking in. The door creaks open and Cade walks in, looking tired. “Hey Sunshine,” he says, walking over to place a chaste kiss on my forehead. I close my eyes, basking in the brief touch of his lips.
“How was your day?” I’ve regurgitated the same question every day this week like a reflex.
“Good. The new sound system is finally up and running and it's going to make a huge difference.”
I force a smile that doesn’t quite reach my eyes. “That’s great. Can’t wait for the next karaoke night.” I wonder if he can tell that the words, much like my smile, are forced.
“Thanks. I couldn’t do it without you.” His words are genuine and it should make me happy, but my heart’s not in it.
That night as we lay in bed, Cade reaches for my hand, his voice a gentle whisper near my ear, “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy. Tell me what you’ve been up to.”
“It’s ok. I’ve been working on some editing. I have a couple of practice sessions scheduled with a few more families.”
“That's great, baby. I know Ivy raves about her photos every chance she gets. I’m so fucking proud of you.”
I turn to him then, pride evident in his features, and an overwhelming sense of guilt comes over me. I should be celebrating everything he’s accomplishing, but all I feel is fear and a pang of sadness.
The unfettered longing tobe moreis stifling, and I’m helpless to control it. He deserves the world and I’m afraid to become the thing that holds him back. There’s some small part of me that’s afraid he’ll finally see through the mask I wear for the rest of the world into the tattered shell of a person that exists beneath the surface.
I want to tell him everything, but I let the words linger between us unsaid. Now isn’t the time. He’s working hard and I don’t want to be a burden, so I whisper an “I love you”, as we both drift off to sleep.
Chapter 38
Paige
? Nothing New - Taylor Swift ft. Phoebe Bridgers
I’ve been back in Oak Ridge for 6 weeks. We’re still waiting for the initial approval for the visa, and I’m feeling restless. I stood in front of the mirror, adjusting the strap of my plum velvet figure hugging dress for the tenth time. The reflection staring back at me looked uncertain, despite the effort I’d put into my appearance. I sigh, my thoughts swirling with a mix of excitement for Jemma and Derek, and a niggling sense of insecurity. I catch Cade creeping in behind me, placing his hands on my waist and dropping a deliciously sweet kiss to my exposed shoulder, his scent mingling with mine. “You look beautiful, Sunshine. Are you ready to go?”
“Yeah, almost. Just… fixing my dress.” I can sense him looking at me in the mirror. I force a smile but I don’t meet his gaze.
“Are you okay? You seem a bit off.”
I bite my lip, debating whether I should even give voice to my feelings. “I’m a bit nervous. It’s a big family wedding, and I still haven’t met a lot of them yet.” Cade grasps my shouldersand slowly turns me to face him, his fingers catching my chin forcing my eyes to meet his.
“Everyone loves you, Paige. I’ll be by your side the whole time, I promise.”
