Page 27 of Heartstrings & Horizons
“I’m okay, Mags,” I lie, and I know she can see right through my bullshit. Last year, Maggie and our other roommate Joanna took to measuring out my pasta to see if I’d been cooking for myself in our dorm. According to their theory, it was a red flag if the circumference of my spaghetti remained unchanged for an entire week. When you’re raised by a heavily Italian family on your maternal side, pasta is the first thing you learn to make. Personally, I’m not great at cooking much else – carbs, cheese, sauce. What more does a girl need?
During one particularly unpleasant episode where I was ordering takeout and holed up in my room for days on end, my housemates cornered me and hosted a sort of intervention. Joanna and I never really got along, so it surprised me when she agreed to help. In hindsight, she probably cared more about me not helping out around the house and Maggie, ever the peacemaker, convinced her to take a softer approach when confronting me about it. Regardless, I was grateful.
“Paige?” Maggie’s soft voice snaps me out of my daydream. “Cade is on the phone. He’s worried about you.”
I knew she wouldn’t let me squirrel myself away for very much longer. I had seen the concern in her eyes last night when she stole my phone and called Cade. She tried to play it off likesheansweredmyphone, but the call log doesn't lie. Maggie is all about making people happy, so if she needs to call your long-distance not-boyfriend to make it happen, she won’t hesitate.
“Okay, can you tell Cade I’ll text him later?” I wasn’t in any state to talk to him right now, despite what my heart was telling me —screamingat me — to do. Do I feel guilty for blowing him off again? Yes. But I’m not ready to face him.
“Sure,” she says as she steps back into the hall. I hear a few more quiet murmurs before she comes back in and sits at the foot of my bed.
“Ok, Paige, I love you but it’s time to shower. You’ve been sulking for a week and, to be quite honest, you’re a mess, babe.”
I clutch my chest, feigning shock. A much-needed moment of levity breaks through the heaviness of the past week, serving as a gentle reminder that maybe this won’t last forever. Right now, in my room with this amazing person looking at me with such affection in her eyes, I know things will be okay.
An hour later, I step out of the steaming hot shower, feeling like an entirely new person. I walk back into my bedroom and do the only thing I can think of to distract me from the darkness as it tries to seep back in. I strip my bed, gather up my laundry, and do my best to purge every dark thought from this past week.
Did it cleanse my past and rid me of all of my demons? Of course not, but it was a step. Sometimes one step is all you can offer the world, and it has to be enough. So I reach out and take another, praying I haven’t fucked things up beyond repair.
Paige: Hey Cowboy, I miss you too.
Chapter 11
Cade
? Love You For A Long Time - Maggie Rogers
Iwoke up with a hangover from hell when my cell phone started ringing from somewhere in the room. I tumbled out of bed, tangled up in the sheets, and followed the sound coming from my jeans haphazardly strewn across the bedroom floor after a long night of celebrating.
“Hello?”
“Hey, it’s Mags. I stole your number off of Paige’s phone while she was asleep. I really needed to get a hold of you and I couldn’t think of any other way to get in touch. I hope it’s okay.”
“Yeah, it’s no problem. What’s going on? Is she okay?”
“I don't know what happened last Saturday, but Paige hasn’t been herself all week. She won’t talk to me about it. She’s skipping classes, and I don't think she’s eating. I was hoping you would know something I don’t.”
I hear shuffling at the other end of the line and a door quietly snicks closed. “I don’t know how much Paige has told you about her past, but this isn’t the first time she’s hidden herself away. Paige really struggles with her mental health, but I’ve never seen it quite like this.”
“Did she tell you about her date last week?” I don’t know how much Mags knows about last Saturday, but I relay the story anyway, hoping it might explain why Paige shutting the world out. Mags doesn’t say much, but I hear a quiet inhale of breath when I tell her what I told Paige when she asked me what would have happened if she had been from Tennessee.
Happily ever after, obviously.
“You really care about her, don’t you?” She asks me. I could lie and make this easier for all of us, but then I would also have to lie to myself and what good would that do? After my conversation with Liam last night, I was done denying it. I’m already halfway in love with her.
“Yeah, I really do,” I confess. “Is there any way you can put Paige on the phone?”
“I can try.” I hear another door squeaking open at the other end of the line, followed by quiet, muffled voices. Mags comes back on the phone briefly to let me know Paige would text me later. I wanted to be upset about it, but I couldn’t. All I felt was a deep sense of sadness because Paige was clearly hurting and she wasn’t ready to let me in. For my sanity, I have to trust that Mags has her best interest at heart and wait to hear from my girl when she’s ready. Because that’s what she is —my girl. She just doesn’t know it yet. I don’t know how we’re going to make this work, but damn if I’m not willing to give it a shot.
An hour or so goes by when my phone vibrates in my pocket.
Paige: Hey Cowboy, I miss you too.
Fucking finally. I hear the audible whoosh of air as I release all the pent up tension of the last 7 days. I’ve never been more excited about 6 words in my life.
Cade: Sunshine. How are you?
Paige: That depends. How much time do you have?
