Page 16 of Heartstrings & Horizons
Memories flood my mind; from stolen kisses at the lake, to whispered secrets during long drives to nowhere, and the way his eyes shone when he laughed. The first boy I ever thought I loved. Whether it was actually love, I can’t be certain. I was young and I haven’t exactly had the best examples of romantic love. I do know that I cared deeply for him, despite how it may have ended. Our teenage romance was short-lived, but it left an indelible mark.
An hour passes, headlights shining in the distance as the city carries on like my world didn’t come crashing down around me tonight. Silent tears track down my cheeks when my phone chimes with a new notification from the app.
Kyle, age 24, Markham, Ontario.
I’m not really in the mood to talk to someone new tonight, so I tap over to my text message thread with Cade.
Paige: Hey Cowboy. Got a minute to talk?
A few heartbeats later, my phone is ringing with an incoming video call. I momentarily panic. It’s not our first FaceTime, but a perk of text conversations is the ability to filter yourself and think before you say something stupid, and I’m worried my heightened emotions are going to lead me into dangerous territory. Determined to not let the anxiety win, I push through my fears and swipe to answer the call.
“Hey Sunshine, where are you? I can’t see your face.” There’s muffled music playing in the background — he must be at work.
“Oh, sorry. I’m outside. I, um, got some bad news and needed to be alone. You’re probably at work. I should let you get back to it.” I follow the familiar path back to our house, plopping down on our swing under the faint glow of the porch lights.
“No, it’s fine. I’m on my break. What happened, Paige? Are you okay?” He must be able to see the emotions written on my face now, or the mascara tracks on my cheeks.
“Yes. No? I don’t really know. My friend called to tell me my ex passed away.” I pause, uncertain where to go from here. Are we close enough friends already that we can talk about our exes? Is this going to be awkward for him?
We aren’t together so I’m not sure why I’m hesitating. “Jace was my first boyfriend in high school and it ended on bad terms, but we recently reconnected,” I explained. He had a son, and he asked me to help him design a tattoo in his honor. The mock-ups are still sitting on my desk beside last week’s American History notes.
Logically, I know Jace wasn’t the best boyfriend. We lasted about 6 weeks as a couple. When the end of summer break came, he decided our lives were too different to be compatible, and he broke my heart. He would come back every 6 months or so with pretty words and apologies, stirring up the same old feelings that always set my heart fluttering.
I was too young to know better, but my bruised heart didn’t care. We had been doing the same song and dance back and forth for years — I guess that’s over now. Another tear slips past my lashes.
“Where’s Mags? I don’t like the thought of you being alone right now,” Cade says, an air of concern lacing his words. That’s something I’ve learned about Cade. He may come off hardened at times, stoic even, but underneath his placid exterior is a heart full of compassion and empathy. A man who, in the weeks I’ve known him, I’ve come to realize is fiercely protective.
“I’ll be okay. We’re hosting a party tonight, so everyone else is inside having the time of their life. I… I didn’t know who else to call.”
“You canalwayscall me, Sunshine.”
“Can I ask you something?” My voice is hesitant, but it’s something I’ve been wondering about since we first met.
“Anything,” he replies, his voice sincere.
“Why do you call me Sunshine?”
“It was something in your profile,” he begins, his voice soft yet unwavering. “You mentioned you loved watching the sunrise, no matter how early it was, because it reminded you that every day is a new beginning.” A small smile pulls at the corner of my lips — the first moment of levity in an otherwise difficult evening. “It really struck a chord with me. I remember thinking that someone who could find so much optimism in something as simple as a sunrise must have a really special kind of light inside them. When we started talking, I felt that same brightness directed at me, a virtual stranger. Calling you sunshine simply felt…right.”
“Thank you,” I whisper.
We sat in silence for a while until his break ended. This evening had been bleak. Even though it was ancient history, I was still shocked by the news. I figured Cade wasn’t quite ready to hear about my complicated past, so we said goodbye and I sat on the porch by myself for a while. As the party started winding down, the laughter and music slowly faded away, and I found myself captivated by the sun’s golden rays cresting over the hill; the sunrise would always remind me of Cade, now.
I decide it’s probably time to make my way to bed — emotions are always so much worse when exhaustion takes hold. I enter my room only to find it already occupied by several half naked strangers.Great.I continue walking around the house, taking stock of every surface I could possibly sleep on, only to find every bed, chair, and couch is already taken.
Making my way back upstairs to the laundry room, I settle on the hard floor, making do with a nest of freshly washed blankets before quietly drifting off to sleep, replaying the sound of my nickname on Cade’s lips, dreaming of new beginnings.
Chapter 7
Cade
? Fall Into Me - Forest Blakk
I’m sitting on my back porch, the early November light casting a faint glow over the rustic Kentucky landscape, a fresh cup of coffee in hand. Replaying the events of Halloween stirs up a strange mix of protectiveness and something else I can’t quite name. Seeing Paige so distraught, eyes red and puffy, and being unable to reach out and console her the way I wanted to was a special kind of torture. Now, as the first rays of sun paint the skies in shades of pink and orange, I find my thoughts drifting back to the girl I might never be able to touch.
The way she showed her strength, resilience, and vulnerability to me, someone she barely knew, stirred something inside me. I’ve always been good at keeping my distance from people, especially women, but Paige changed everything for me. I have this powerful need to protect her from anything that might make her look at me with the same sadness she had on Halloween. The mascara tracks on her cheeks had dried, but there was still a profound sorrow in her eyes. As far as I was concerned, it didn’t belong there, and I would do everything in my power to wash it away.
I’d be lying if I said she wasn’t a constant presence in my mind over the past few weeks. It should have been absurd how quickly I had developed feelings for Paige; I live 800 miles away. The thought of anything more with her is entirely unrealistic. I need to quell whatever is happening between us before it spirals out of control, but my restraint is barely holding on.
