Page 9 of Heartstrings & Horizons
“I’m not sure if we have time to unpack all of my generational trauma, Cowboy.”
“Tell me anyway.”
“My parents are divorced, and I have an older brother, Luca. My relationship with my mom is…” I exhale a shaky breath. “Complicated. Honestly, my entire family dynamic is complicated.”
“I can understand that. My parents got divorced when I was 5. I don’t have much of a relationship with my dad.”
I feel for 5-year-old Cade, I can't imagine having your world turned upside down at such a young age, but then I had mine torn apart at 13, so maybe I can relate in some way. I never talk about what was ultimately the last straw before my parents got divorced, but I find myself wanting to tell Cade.
“When I was 13, I noticed my dad parked at someone else’s house and I mentioned it to my mom. Turns out he was having an affair and I had inadvertently aired out his dirty laundry. She kicked him out and not long after, I chose to move in with my dad, but his girlfriend, Susan, and I didn’t get along, so I bounced back and forth between houses a few times. Dad eventually took a job out west, forcing me to move back in with my mom permanently.”
“God, Paige, I can’t imagine how hard it must have been at 13 years old,” he says with a softness in his voice.
“It definitely didn't help with my teenage mood swings. Mom tried to get us to go to therapy, but I was an angry kid — I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I was always somewhat defiant, especially after the divorce. I didn't make things any easier on myself.”
“It wasn’t your job to fix things, Paige. The adults in your life should’ve noticed you were struggling.”
“I think leaving for college helped. Mom and I tend to get along better when there’s physical distance between us. Dad and Sue moved back to the area not too long ago, so he’s only a few hours away now. We’ll never be close like we were when I was little — there’s a Sue sized barrier in the way. To be fair, I think I caused a lot of damage on my own, being as angry as I was at them and at myself.”
“You can’t blame yourself for how you reacted back then. You were young, and youdid your best to cope in the only ways you knew how.”
“Yeah, I guess.” I don’t know why I let myself trauma dump on this man, but I wouldn’t blame him if this was all too much too soon for our friendship to withstand. The conversation hangs in the air for a beat, neither of us saying anything.
“I can hear the wheels turning in your head, Sunshine.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to dump all of that on you. What do I owe you for this therapy session?” I laugh, but it’s stilted.
“No charge, Sunshine. I’m always happy to listen.”
“What about you? Anything to get off your chest?” There’s a loud exhale across the line.
“Maybe that’s a conversation for another day. It’s getting late.”
“Ok. I’m here if you need to talk, too.”
“Thanks. Goodnight, Sunshine.”
“‘Night, Cowboy.”
Chapter 4
Cade
? Half of My Hometown - Kelsea Ballerini ft. Kenny Chesney
“Uncle Cade!” A little ball of energy named Madison barrels into my legs. I hoist her up, sending her flying towards the sky, her giggles tugging at my heartstrings. The fresh autumn breeze rustles the leaves and the scent of fresh apple cider permeates the air.
“Mommy said I can have a funnel cake!”
I place Maddie back on the ground and take her hand; the leaves crunch underfoot as we walk along the sidewalk towards the hustle and bustle of the Oak Ridge Fall Festival.
“That’s great, Maddie girl! Are you going to share it with your favorite uncle?”
“No way!” she says, pulling out of my grip to run back towards her mom. Maddie is my littlest niece at 4 years old, belonging to my middle sister, Julie. She also has 8-year-old twins, Olivia and Oliver.
“Hey little brother,” she says, pulling me in for a side hug before returning to her task of setting up the s’mores station.
“Maddie, what did I tell you about running off?”
