Page 54 of Heartstrings & Horizons
“Paige, I cannot believe you would make such a reckless decision. Getting engaged to someone you’ve only been seeing long distance? Dropping out of college after everything we’ve done for you to set up your future? What are you thinking? You’ve always been impulsive, but this takes the cake. You had better rethink your reckless decisions, lest you forget who is funding your current lifestyle.”
My hand is shaking as the voicemail ends. Tears well in my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. I’m suddenly overwhelmed by a mix of anger, hurt, and frustration, but not shock. I knew my mother had always been critical, so none of what she said was the least bit surprising, but that didn't make it any less painful. My mother has always had an uncanny ability to provoke me and find my last nerve. Determined not to let her harsh words and veiled threats affect me, I do the only thing I can think of next.
In lieu of calling my mother back, and with a more than a little spite running through my veins after her veiled threats, I open social media and prepare to announce our engagement for the world to see. I tap out the perfect caption and attach the photos from the birthday proposal, along with a photo of the ring. I stare at my fiancé for a moment before tapping submit, then fall back onto the bed and drape my arm over my eyes. It’s done. Moments later, my phone chimes with a notification.
Here we go.
Social media can be a dark and cruel place, so I compose myself before opening the app to check the comments on my most recent post.
“I miss you, Sunshine. Here’s to forever, and then some.”
This man. What I wouldn’t give to be back in his arms right now. He always knows exactly what to say at the exact right moment. A minute passes and my phone chimes again.
Cade: Landed in Nashville. I miss you already. Feels like I left my heart with you at the airport. I hope you’re doing okay. xoxo
There he goes, stealing more pieces of my heart without asking. I let him know that it’s been a long day and I’ll call him later to talk about everything that happened after we went our separate ways. I want to tell him everything, but I need time to process. It’s hard to reconcile the parents who once loved each other and loved their children fiercely, with the ones who would later make me the family mediator, leaving me to raise myself in the aftermath of their collapse.
I know we have a lot to talk through. We decided I would move to Oak Ridge, but beyond a vague agreement, we haven’t made any moves to get the ball rolling. I suspect I’ll be making the move with little to no support from my immediate family, and despite the fact that nothing has ever felt more right, I will have to reconcile my overwhelming contentment with the sadness and guilt of walking away from the people who shaped me, no matter how broken I became.
Lost in my thoughts, I almost miss the sudden flood of notifications that are rapidly popping up on my phone. Messages of congratulations and well-wishes filling my feed, and for a moment, I feel a flicker of relief. I take another deep breath, grounding myself, before responding to the messages and comments, drawing strength and positivity from their steadfast support.
Bristol: Paige! Congrats on the hard launch. You look so happy. ♥
Jaz: Yay! Finally!
Nana: Happy for you, Poodle. xoxo
Mags: Can we talk about that ring?! Congrats, bestie! ??
Among the comments and messages from my friends and family, I spot another vaguely familiar name.
Jemma: Congratulations! Ya’ll are so cute!
A knock sounds at the guest room door an hour later, and as much as I want to pretend to be asleep and avoid the inevitable fallout, I answer the door to find my dad standing on the threshold.
“Pip. Can we talk?”
“I’m not sure what else you want me to say.”
“I should apologize for how I handled the news.”
That’s an understatement. I’m not so blinded that I can’t see it from his perspective. In fact, I’m certain it must have been a shock, but the utter sorrow on my face when I got into the truck should have been the first clue that I needed him to lead with compassion, not contempt.
I’m not sure how to respond so I don’t, hoping he’ll fill the silence again.
“I can’t say I’m thrilled –”
“Ok, good talk, Dad. I think you should go. I’ll take the train back to Toronto in the morning.”
“Please, let me finish.”
I gesture for him to continue, only partially listening to his half-hearted attempt to make amends. My dad is generally a very passive person when it comes to me and my brother. Sure, we have conflicts, but Dad is always the first to try to make things right, regardless of whether or not he’s in the wrong.
“I didn’t mean to invalidate your feelings. I saw the photos you posted and you do look very happy with your young man. I only want what’s best for you and I don’t know that thinking about marriage right now is the way to go.”
“I get that, Dad, but I need you to let me decide. I don’t think you’ve trulyseenme for a very long time. You can’t even begin to understand what it’s like to feel like you’ve been drowning for years and once you finally come up for air, you’re pushed right back under by one of the few people who is supposed to be your lifeline.”
“I… I’m sorry, Paige. I guess you’re right. I don’t understand.” There’s an awkward silence. “I’ll leave it at that. There are leftovers in the fridge if you get hungry. If you still want to leave in the morning, I’ll drop you off at the train station.”
