Page 23 of Heartstrings & Horizons
“Good. Listen, have you heard from your dad? I wanted to know if he could get your brother on at a different job site.”
“No, mom, but if Luca needs something, why doesn’t he ask dad himself?”
“You know your brother; he won’t do anything I ask him to do. I thought you could help me out.” She pauses for a moment, glancing at the phone with a curious look on her face.Here we go.
“What are you wearing? You know you shouldn’t wear such tight clothes. It draws attention to… well, you know.” She gestures to my breasts and belly. “Have you been watching what you eat? I say this with love, dear, but you should consider going on a diet.” She always insists it’s said with love, but it never, not even once in my 22 years, felt that way.
“Thanks for the advice, mom. I have to go. I'll talk to you later.” I don’t waste any time as I hit the button to end the call. The sting of my mother’s words cut deep, compounding the hurt of being stood up. I wrap my arms around myself, the loneliness and rejection setting in.
Removing my coat and replacing my purse on the hook, I walk myself back to my room and sink into the comfort of my bed. Once I’ve started the self-pity spiral, there’s only one way through it — escape. I pick up my newest romance novel, imagining myself as the main character. Maybe someday I will be.
Sometime later, I hear my phone vibrate on my nightstand. I don’t know how much time has passed — once I start reading it could be minutes or it could be hours before I pull myself back out of the world I’ve painstakingly created in my mind. I pick up my phone, dreading a response from Kyle confirming my suspicions that I simply wasn't worth the effort — but it’s not him.
Cade: Hey Sunshine. I haven’t heard from you, so I wanted to check in and make sure you didn’t meet up with Canada’s version of Ted Bundy or something.
Paige: I’m fine. No serial killers in sight but Canada’s version of Bundy did attend my college.
I keep it short and lighthearted, but I immediately feel guilty. I shouldn’t be thrusting my pity party at Cade, too. He doesn’t deserve to be dragged into the pits of despair with me.
Cade: Are you ok? Did he hurt you?
It’s crazy how quickly Cade has learned to read me. It’s like he’s always been there. Reminding myself not to get too attached, I quickly tap out a response.
Paige: The Serial Killer? No, he’s been in prison for years.
I’m obviously deflecting at this point. It’s my default setting to use humor and sarcasm when I’m faced with an uncomfortable situation. And Cade potentially finding out that some dude named Kyle couldn’t even be bothered to show up to the date he asked me on, feels very uncomfortable.
Cade: Seriously, Paige. Are you okay?
He never calls me Paige, always opting for Sunshine, or Canada when we’re flirting with each other. ‘Paige’ from Cade is like when you’re in trouble and your parents say our first, middle, and last name. My real name is reserved for serious moments.
Paige: Yeah, I’m ok. My date didn’t show so I spent the afternoon reading.
Cade: You deserve better.
Cade: Who needs a douche canoe named Kyle, anyway?
I chuckle at the insult because who actually says “douche canoe”.
Paige: Thanks. How was your day?
Cade: Boring as fuck.
Cade: Kind of jealous I didn’t get to spend it with you building a habitat for humanity igloo. I might never get over it.
The callback to our earlier conversation has me smiling and wistfully imagining what life would be life if we evercouldbe something. It’s futile, but sometimes I can’t help but wish things were different, uncomplicated. Turns out this easy friendship isn’t so easy after all. In fact, I’m finding it incrediblydifficultnot to give a little piece of my heart to this man.
Paige: Can I ask you something?
Cade: Of course
Paige: If I had said yes, I live in Tennessee... what would have happened next?
Cade: Happily Ever After, obviously. Isn’t that how those books you love so much end?
If only.I can’t think of a good response to that, so I let it linger and imagine how things could be different right now if I had a date with Cade instead of Kyle. I shouldn’t go there, my heart can’t get invested.Too late, Paige.
By Monday, Cade had reached out a few more times, but I hadn’t been able to find it in me to respond. I hate myself for pulling away from him, but the fear of losing this friendship to the mere thought of something more is killing me.
