Page 46 of Depths of Obsession
I rub my hands over my face. First things first, I need to find this man who looks so much like me. The only way I will know for sure what the hell is going on is if I find him and ask him. I plan on doing just that as soon as possible, and I may not be so kind about how I ask.
The sound of water running reaches me. Pippa is in the shower. I smile. Time to say good morning to my woman. I want to hear her yell my name when she comes. It’s the only way to start the day off right.
CHAPTER 15
Ilet the water hit me, so hot it almost burns my skin. I want it as scalding as I can stand, maybe even hotter. I can't bring myself to look in the mirror. I keep thinking that at any moment, someone will jump out and tell me it was all a joke, or I'll wake up and find out it was just a nightmare. The heat sears my skin, but it grounds me, reminding me that this is real. All of it.
I scrub with the soap, my hands moving frantically, hoping to wipe away any trace of last night—every lingering touch, every horrifying memory. I shouldn’t have slept with Luca. Shouldn’t have let him touch me no matter how much I wanted it.And, God, I wanted it. Loved what he did to me at the same time I hated myself for letting him.I swallow hard, fighting to keep the lump in my throat from becoming tears on my cheeks. I should be with my mother. She needs me. I need to get to Switzerland and make sure she's okay. Then I need to rebuild my life—our lives.
My father is dead. The thought hits me like a rogue wave, and I sway in the spray, my knees nearly buckling. The image of him standing over me, hitting me, is ingrained in my memory. Every time I close my eyes, I see it—his fury, the anger in his eyes, the pain that followed. Everyone talks about trauma, but I suspect most of them don’t realize what real trauma is.
The sting of his hand, his rage, that was my reality. Worse still, him beating Mama when I wasn't around, when I was safe far, far away. That was my reality. And God help me, I was happy about it. Happy I was nowhere near him. I made sure I stayed as far away as possible when I was home, and once I moved back, I left for Milano as soon as I could.
I rub my face with both hands, trying to scrub away the guilt. I left my mother at his mercy so I could escape and not have to deal with it. I lean against the shower wall, my palms pressed flat against the cool tiles. I knew Marcello was shifty. Iknewhe hired me not because of my skills but because of who I am. I fuckingknewit, but I lied to myself. Lied, because if I admitted the truth, then I would have to say no, and I wanted to be out of that house more than anything.
A sob escapes my throat, the sound echoing off the walls. It’s my fault my mother was hurt so badly. Mine. I should have been there with her. I should have protected her. Instead, I ran. And now she’s seriously injured, and I’m here—having sex with the man—the vampire—who killed my father. How fucking messed up is that?
I straighten, forcing myself to breathe, to focus on things that are normal to help steady me. I start to wash my hair. The only thing I can do now is leave. Go. I know Mia will take care of my mother. I know it even if she believes all this vampire shit. She won't let my mother down—not like I did. I can send for my mom once I'm established somewhere else. Once I have a job and a place, I can bring Mama to me.
I’ll have to keep it low-key, though. Gazzago is still lurking, and he says my family still owes him. Now it’s a matter of pride and reputation. I know my father agreed to the marriage not because he believed we owed Gazzago but because he wanted the job that came with it. He also told the world about it. He had to prove that Danillo Dominici always pays his debts, mostly because there was no way in hell he’d ever be able to pay off the five million he owes.
Ohmygod, who does he owe the money to?Shit. Fuck. Damn. I have to find out. That person will come knocking once word of my father’s death is out there. Debt like that doesn’t die with the person. It just transfers. Someone has to pay. I think I’m going to be sick.
The door opens behind me, and I whirl, shrinking back against the cold tile, my heart leaping into my throat.
“Little one, did I frighten you?” Luca asks, his voice deep, almost gentle. He steps into the shower, and I feel his presence like a shadow engulfing me. “Sorry.” He puts his hands on my waist, his touch warm and possessive. “The water is too hot. What are you doing? Your skin is bright red. You’re burning yourself.” He adjusts the handle, and the water cools, steam dissipating in the air.
“No, I like it hot. I need it hot,” I say, reaching for the handle again, desperation tightening my chest.
He grabs my hand, his grip firm, and stares at me, his gorgeous emerald eyes narrowing. “What is going on, Pippa? Why are you trying to scald yourself?”
“I… I just… I need to be clean. I… I should be with my mother… I should… I need…” My voice cracks, and the words stick in my throat, refusing to come out right. My knees turn to jelly.
I’d have sagged to the floor, but for Luca catching me under my arms.
His body pressed to mine, he holds me up. Luca lifts my chin so I have to meet his gaze. His eyes search mine, and I see something there—concern, maybe even pain. “What’s wrong?”
“I left my mother alone, and my father hurt her. It’s all my fault.” The words tumble out, raw and broken. “And then I’m here having sex with the… mo… man who killed him. It’s all… so…” Tears well up in my eyes, blurring my vision.
Luca’s expression hardens, his hands dropping away from me, and he steps back and folds his arms across his chest. “You think all of this is your fault? Your father beating your mother, and that sleeping with me is somehow a betrayal of your family? Or is it that I’m a monster, and you’re disgusted that you slept with me?”
I try to form a lie, try to deny it, but I can’t get it out in time. He reads the truth on my face, and something darkens in his eyes.
“So, that’s it,” he says, his voice low, almost a growl. “I disgust you. You’re in here trying to burn away my touch.” He moves closer, his body pressing against mine, the icy shower wall at my back. “I told you there were consequences if you wanted to sleep with me. I warned you. You didn’t care. Now you’re mine. There’s no going back, so you better get used to liking my touch, little one, because there’s no escaping it.” With that, he turns and leaves the shower. He pauses long enough to grab a towel, and then exits the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.
I sag against the wall, my chest heaving, tears finally spilling down my cheeks. The cold tiles bite into my back, grounding me, reminding me of how trapped I am—trapped in this life, in these emotions. I thought I could control everything, thought I could protect myself, but I was wrong.
So wrong.
I slide down the wall, the water still running, cooling now, almost cold. I wrap my arms around myself, the tears coming harder, sobs wracking my body. Everything is too much. I don’t know how to fix any of it, don’t know if I even can. But for now, all I can do is let the water wash over me, wash away my tears, my fears, and maybe—just maybe—a little bit of my guilt.
Luca is sitting at the monitors as I enter the living space. He’s wearing a black shirt and dress pants. His hair is damp, but I can tell he finished showering in the other bathroom because I can smell the shampoo. He smells like citrus. I suddenly long to go over and bury myself in his arms. Stupid. It’s just the shock of everything I try to tell myself, but I know that’s not true. Luca makes me feel safe and I crave the security he represents. Only now I’m so fucked. I’ve burned that bridge as well.
He seems to be watching the screens as they are shifting in front of him but his back is to me, so I can’t be sure.
I clear my throat trying to build up the courage to speak to him. “Luca,” I say, “I need to find out who my father owed money to. My mother said he was five million in debt. I have to find out the details. I don’t want anyone coming to my mother about the money.”
He turns slowly in his chair and looks at me with a gaze so cold I shiver. “I will look into it.” That’s all he says and then he turns back to the screens.
