Page 86 of Fierce Love
“Did it look like this when you left?” I ask. “Where did all this come from?”
Hollyn sighs behind me. “I’m going to try not to take that personally. Kinsley wasn’t keen to help, so I was cleaning out the mess on my own. There was a storage unit in the basement that I cleaned out and brought up here.”
“I wasn’t judging. I was assessing. You left because your parents broke in, so I wanted to make sure it looked ransacked before you came to live with me.”
She lets out a little laugh and slides her arms around my waist. I slip my arm over her shoulders.
“Yes,” she says, “this chaos was all me. I’m surprised you don’t remember from the other times you visited.”
“Too focused on other things.” And I’m sure it wasn’tthisbad then.
“Do I need to make you focused on other things this time too?” She glances up at me from under her lashes.
“Unless you want Kinsley to think we did nothing today but have sex on every conceivable surface, we should probably do some ofthisfirst.” I gesture to the piles of papers, clothes, and other items strewn around the living room. “Are the bedrooms clear?”
“Sort of,” Hollyn says, stepping away. “At least of papers and clothes. Pictures, souvenirs, letters, and stuff like that, I’m going to try to handle.”
“Can I clear out some of these decorations? Take them to the bin outside?”
“Sure,” she says with a decisive nod. “Unless there’s any you want to keep for your house?”
Idon’t, but if she needs me to keep some, I will. I slide her a look, and her lips quirk up as though she can read what I’m thinking.
“That was an offer, not an expectation,” she clarifies.
“I’m good.” I grab a garbage bag from the box near the door.
“If you can shred her old tax returns and bills and whatever else is in the filing cabinet when you’re done, that would be such a help.”
“As you wish, my love,” I say, and I bow with a flourish.
She laughs and gives me a quick kiss before heading to the back bedrooms. I spend the next little while making several trips to the dumpster with decorations, occasionally stopped by neighbors who are appalled that I’m throwing out stuff that’s so useful. In the end, I agree to pile some of the stuff in better shape at the entrance with a Free sign on it.
When the living room starts to look livable again, I take in the filing cabinet tucked into a corner near the window and try to remember whether her aunt had it when Hollyn was a teen. I grab the shredder from the center of the room, and I drag a chair over to the cabinet.
Hollyn is still in one of the two bedrooms, and I start taking out files, giving them a cursory glance, and feeding them through the shredder. I’m not very far when I start to second-guess myself.
“You don’t need any of this?” I call to Hollyn. “This tax return is from last year.”
“Oh,” Hollyn says, appearing in the doorway to the short hall that leads to the bedrooms. “I do have to file one more return, I think. Keep that. And maybe anything else that might be important for her final tax return?” Her voice grows thick at the end, and her chin wobbles. She has a stack of photos in her hand.
I leave the filing cabinet to cross the room, and I drag her into a firm hug. She clings on to me, and I run my hand along her hair, smoothing it down.
“I really hate this,” she whispers.
“I’ll make a stack of any papers I think you should keep, and I’ll hold my questions until the end to make it easier on you. Then you’re not making constant decisions for me as well as whatever you’re working on.”
“Thanks,” she says, pressing her cheek firmer against my chest. “It feels like I’m erasing her, and there’s just so much history in this place.”
“You’re not,” I murmur. “She’ll live on in all the stories we’ll tell our kids. All the photos we’ll keep. Love means we’ll always hold space for those people in our heart. The physical and material things might be gone, but the person they were, what they meant to us, they’re still here. I really believe that.”
“Oh my god,” Hollyn says, her voice thick. “Nate, you need to go into business mode, or I’m going to be sitting on the floor, bawling my eyes out instead of getting this done.” She sniffs and steps away. “I need you to be the objective, detached one. Because I don’t know if I can.”
“I can do that,” I say, rubbing her back. “If you’re undecided about something, come set it next to me, and I’ll make the choice. I’ll activate practical, business-minded Nathaniel.”
She rises on her toes and kisses my cheek before wrapping her arms around my neck. Her fingers weave through the short strands at the back of my head, and she releases a contented sigh next to my ear. “You are literally the best.”
“You’re not alone in any of this, Hols. I’ll be whatever you need whenever you need it. Say the word, and it’s done.”
