Page 66 of Fierce Love
“I have ideas aboutwhyyou’d be here, but I want to know whyyouthink you’re here.”
“I thought you might seek me out to remind me of our deal, considering who I’m working with, who I’m living with.”
“Why would I need to do that?” Celia sets the tablet on the table beside her and finally looks at me.
There are no other chairs near her, so I’m still standing, and the shade is more behind Celia than in front. In order to face her, I’ve had to stay in the hot sun, squinting.
“You’re not worried I’ll break our deal?”
“Of course not,” she says, waving her hand dismissively. “If Nathaniel knew what you did that night before you left theisland, it wouldn’t bemehe’d be angry with, now, would it?” She shakes her head. “As soon as he realizes how little you valued him, how easily you tossed him aside, anything that’s started up between you two is done. You were never stupid, Hollyn, just a poor girl from a criminal family.”
I can feel myself getting smaller. Just like my mother, Celia’s always been able to make me shrink into myself, and while I gained a lot of practice in New York at keeping my back straight when I’m challenged—old habits die hard. With my mother, I had rage on my side, but with Celia, all I have is shame.
“You know,” Celia continues, “the women Nathaniel’s dated since you left the island have all been from rich families. Women who fit into this world, who understand his family and his lifestyle. Lovely, lovely people. The thing thatmyNathaniel has learned is that you can fuck the help, fuck the criminals, but marry them? Build a life with them? Never. You just can’t. And that’s something idealistic young boys learn when they become men.”
Words bubble in my throat, but I can’t get them to form coherent sentences. It’s like she’s sewn my mouth shut.
“Besides, the minute Nathaniel discovers the truth—the way you left the island, the deals you made—he’s not going to forgive that. If you don’t feel like just the help right now, you will again then.” She rises off her lounge chair, and she gives me a patronizing smile. “You never did understand your place.”
“He won’t let me go again,” I say, pushing the words out past my natural resistance.
“He won’t?” Celia laughs. “Well, it’s a good thing you’ll go anyway. Because staying on this island for longer than this television season would break our deal. And you don’t want to see me when someone crosses me, Hollyn Davis. I’ve been quite docile with you. Don’t make me get rabid.”
“You don’t understand—”
“No,youdon’t.” Celia steps toward me. “My son likes to take care of people, but I’d like to think you’ve been well taken care of. Have you not?”
I stare at her, silent. In all the waysshecares about, I’m sure she’d consider anything other than a yes to be a lie.
“So anytime he’s inclined during a post-coital moment to suggest something temporary could become more permanent, you find some of that fierceness you drummed up the night we made our deal. Have your fun. But remember the limitsyoualready put on that.”
“As long as I leave…”
“You won’t suffer any consequences for the pieces of our deal you’vealreadybroken. I’m not completely heartless. See yourself out.”
She steps past me and walks into the house, but I can see her lock the door behind her. Clearly, I’m meant to go all the way around again.
The notion that Celia’s supposed grace isn’t heartless is laughable. She’s essentially telling me that I can get as close to Nate as I want in the next few weeks and months, but none of it will matter. The decision I made at eighteen under extreme duress still stands.
I wipe the sweat off my forehead and start the long walk back around to the front. Some of the things she said, I should have pushed back on, but my brain short-circuited when she said Nate would be so angry with me that he’d never speak to me again. It’s like she looked inside my head and heart to reveal my biggest fear.
Maybe I walked away from him the first time, but part of me has always been terrified that one day, he’ll look at me and he’ll wonder what good he ever saw in me in the first place. He’ll finally realize the time he spent with me then, the years he spentmissing me in between, and whatever we manage to eke out here, were really just a waste of his time and energy.
That would truly break my heart.
All those memories I’ve clung on to for years would become irrevocably tainted.
I came here to figure out a way to diminish the shadow threatening to cut off my head, and instead, Celia Tucker planted a bomb in my life that’s already started ticking.
ChapterThirty-Two
Hollyn
Fourteen years ago
“I’m really not sure about this,” I say to Nate when he picks me up to take me to the mall in Tucker’s Town where all the rich people shop. I’ve never been inside the doors of the place, much less actually purchased anything there.
“About going to my prom with me or going shopping?” He steers the car onto the highway.
