Page 32 of Fierce Love
“Maybe no one ever told you before, but you’re not supposed to make your hookups your permanent side chicks.”
“You’re not a side chick.” His neck flushes with the heat of his frustration. “You’re theonlychick. You’re it. Just you.”
“That’s not smart, Nate.” I poke out the glob of cream cheese stuck in the middle of my bagel, but I don’t take a bite. “It’s better if we don’t make a big deal about whatever this is.” I gesture between us with my index finger. “We’re a ‘just for now’ thing, and that’s okay. I’m not offended. You’re at the private school, and I’m a public-ed kid. You could have five girlfriends at school and then me on the side. I’m not asking questions.”
“Ask me any question you want, but if you think there’s anyone but you, you’re delusional. I spend every single free minute I have outside debate club and lacrosse with you. You’re it. There is no one else. There will never be anyone else. It’s wild to me that you’d even say that it’s possible for me to be with anyone else. What haven’t I told you that you need to hear? Once school is out for the summer, I’ll be totally focused on you—no other distractions.”
“Not a good idea,” I say with a shake of my head. “I’m going to school in New York, and you’re going to California. We’ll be on opposite coasts. It doesn’t make sense for us to be together.”
“Once I turn eighteen in October, I’ll have access to the family trust. I can fly to New York on the family jet, or I can book myself a ticket. I can book you a ticket to California, or we can both fly home. Your distance reason is bullshit, and I’m not accepting it.” He takes a big bite of his donut and throws the rest down on the plate for emphasis.
“High school relationships don’t survive college.”
“Says who?”
“There’s lots of examples.” Not one will come to my mind, but I know it’s a thing—high school relationships and college don’t mix. It’s a known fact.
“None of those people were us.” He meets my gaze with determination. “I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life than I am about my future with you. I won’t let anything come between us.”
Everything inside of me turns to mush, and then butterflies, somehow, sprout out of the goo to flutter around my stomach, up into my throat, making it hard for me to speak. “Nate,” I whisper, my throat closing up and tears filling my eyes. No one has ever put me first, put me so far out in front of their lives that I’m the number one priority above all else.
“I know you’ve wanted to keep us quiet, but I’m tired of it. I want to shout about you from the roof, across the city, out into the ocean and see if I can make my joy felt all the way over in America or Europe.” He slides back his chair and stands on top of it before glancing down at me and stepping onto the table. “Everyone! Everyone! Can I have your attention, please?”
I’m too embarrassed to look around the coffee shop to see who’s entered, but I get out of my chair, and I tug on the hem of Nate’s shirt. “Get down,” I say.
“I, Nathaniel Jonathan Tucker, love Hollyn Noelle Davis with my whole fucking heart. I’m going to marry this girl one day. Anyone else who thinks they might have a chance will have to come through me. I’m not giving her up.”
There’s a smattering of whooping and cheering, but I refuse to look at anyone but him. My face is on fire, and I cup my cheeks, hoping the coolness of my hands will bring some relief. But my heart is warm and glowing. Did he really just do that?
When he steps down, I grab his hand and head for the exit, keeping my head down and tugging him along behind me.
“Nathaniel Tucker,” I say as soon as we’re out the door, “what in the world—”
His mouth is on mine, and his hands are in my hair, and he’s backed me up against the cool brick of the building. I slide myhands up his back, and I kiss him back with the same intensity. No one has ever done anything like that for me before, and all the warring feelings inside of me might burst out if I don’t keep my lips and mouth engaged in something else. I can’t fall in love with a Tucker, no matter how wonderful he might seem. I’m a realist, and nothing about this relationship is real or permanent.
“I love you,” he says when we break apart, his fingers gentle along my jawline, his forehead pressed to mine. “I love you so fucking much, Hols. It feels like I was always meant to love you.”
Instead of saying it back, I tug him into another kiss, wrapping myself around him, trying to pour all the feelings I refuse to say into the movement of our lips, the close connection of our bodies. I’ve always known my aunt loved me—that’s not even a question—but her love is complicated by her loyalty and love for my mother. Aunt Verna’s love is unconditional, but that love has always felt inextricably bound to my mom. She loves me as much because I am Mickie’s daughter as because I’m Hollyn, and that reality has never sat easy on my shoulders. But I still owe Aunt Verna every ounce of happiness I’ve ever felt—all those moments are connected to her.
What Nate is offering me, what he’s giving me without asking for anything in return, is something I’ve never had. Joyful love. Love without strings. Love without a painful history. A love that can exist outside my warped family structure. The chance to be loved completely and totally because of who I am and not whom I belong to.
And as much as I don’t want it, as much as I think I’m a fool to even consider it, I might already be in love with him too. The thought is terrifyingly big, a song whose lyrics are being sung at full volume in my heart as our kiss goes on and on.You’re the one. You’re the one. There will never be another one.
Meeting him that first night was a lightning bolt straight to the core of my being, and I fear I’ll never be the same again.
Chapter Fifteen
Nathaniel
“She’s lying to me,” I say to Cal as I watch him pour my coffee from my spot at his kitchen table.
Gage leans against the counter, cradling his own cup of coffee. He’s supposed to be in LA with Ember and Nova, but he literally jetted home to check on me because I didn’t text him back yesterday. He flew through the night, worried about me. He never used to be the one in the family who showed up when you needed someone—that was always Sawyer, sometimes Maren—but here he is. I’m not even sure I need his support, but the gesture isn’t lost on me. Whatever he’s discovered with Ember and Nova has changed him profoundly and for the better.
“Want my advice?” Gage asks, lifting his cup to his lips.
I’m not sure he’s changed enough to be the advice giver here. But he was already at Cal’s when I arrived, as though he suddenly knows what I’ll do before I do.
I lean back in my chair and throw my arm over the back. “Let’s hear it.”
