I hated it here. I hated my life. I hated being in my own skin. I was more at home disappearing to foreign lands than staying in this haunted place.
The flat was a mausoleum. Cold, and clinical. Every surface devoid of clutter and dust. The walls were bare. Nothing implied that a family lived here. There were no wedding photos. No pictures of the boys as they grew up over the years.
That was how Richard preferred it. That was what made him… comfortable.
I listened in the dark, too scared to turn on the lights. I knew I was here alone but… but still. I wasn’t completely sure. For years, I had felt that I was being watched.
Sometimes it was benevolent. Like someone was looking out for me. Other times it felt… cruel. Like someone watched to see if I was doing something wrong. The way a supervisor might check an employee to see if they were exhibiting far too much enjoyment in their work.
Maybe I was paranoid.
Probably the latter.
Tu devrais être paranoïaque. You should be paranoid.
Why was my inner voice French?
That always irritated me.
After all these years, after I had shed the last vestiges of my old life, even in mind, the invasive thoughts still came back in the language of my home.
Parce que je suis la voix de ta sœur. Because I’m the voice of your sister.
Of course, you are. The sister I had barely seen since she was six years old.
Yet the voice in my mind remained hers, parsed from the few interviews she gave. My heart. My conscience. My first reason for enduring. Sweet Chloe… how much of your life I have missed.
But no more.
This year, I would be there for her birthday. Nothing would tie me down. I could see her. I could speak to her. I could get her to forgive me…
I could swear to her that I had never forgotten and that she was never far from my mind. Never far from my heart. I’d show her…
That was assuming that I lived through this. That this wasn’t going to be my last stand.
I tiptoed down the corridor, looking in all the corners.
I checked to see if there were new cameras. Was there a new lamp in the foyer? I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t remember… I didn’t remember it there before my last assignment in Kemet.
I felt around the Tiffany lampshade, searching for extra wires, bugs, or anything else. Not that I really knew what I was looking for.
I didn’t trust anything on my phone becauseheinsisted we be on a “family plan”. That was the only thing we did as a family – sign up under his name so he had access into every text, and every call. Hell, he probably still had me bugged.
I could thank Adelia for this bit of knowledge.God, I missed her.
I missed her every day, even as I kept her name a secret.
I pushed the door to Richard’s office. It opened with the slightest creak. I did not move further until the sound of it stopped. Inch by agonizing inch in the darkness, I lightly pressed on the door until the light of the hallway illuminated the furnishings, just a little.
I could barely see a thing, but that didn’t matter.
Turning on a light might reveal something. It might reveal too much.
“Are you in here, darling?” I asked the darkness, knowing there’d be no reply.
But it would be my alibi if something happened. I was tired, just back from a long flight, and not thinking clearly… he’d believe that.
Had he installed cameras here? Maybe even motion detectors? I tested that theory before my last trip.